Eating Disorder Recovery - Conquering ED!

Caring for ourselves

2012-01-18T13:14:00.001-05:00

My betta fish, Howard, is very sick. He has been for two weeks. I’ve been changing his water more frequently, hand feeding him peas and shrimp, playing him soothing music, putting medicine in his bowl, giving him/his bowl Reiki and talking to him to comfort him. I’m not sure his fate but I am doing everything I can to help him and make him comfortable in hopes he will get better.

For most of us, caring for someone comes naturally as our heart opens and our loving, nurturing side comes out. However, when it comes to caring and nurturing for ourselves is where we find it difficult. When we are with Ed, he tells us we aren’t worthy and don’t deserve anything and the only thing we need is him to take care of us…….. he is WRONG!

Caring for ourselves is important for a healthy life, all without Ed. Learning to put the energy and love into ourselves that we give to others is vital to our well-being and recovery process. Caring for ourselves comes in many forms from following our meal plan, keeping our outpatient appointments, socializing, laughing, seeking treatment, saying positive affirmations to our self, practicing self-care, reaching out for the support of loved ones, being vulnerable, buying our self something and much more.

Put caring and loving yourself at the top of your list to ensure a healthier, happier you. Ed can’t give you the care you need so don’t fall for his lies or threats. Remain strong and follow the lead of recovery. Don’t wait, begin now. Make the commitment to yourself to care for yourself and give yourself what you need to find the freedom you deserve. You are worth getting the tender, loving care you give.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

You CAN too

2012-01-03T11:19:00.001-05:00

As we go through our lives we see all sorts of people in how nice they dress, how successful they are, how happy they are in their relationships and work, how they eat in a healthy way and how they take care of themselves with self care and such, how balanced they seem. In seeing all of these things we may think to ourselves why can’t I have some of those things? Well I am here to tell you….you CAN.

Your life can be fulfilled with all the goodness you desire and you can achieve it all. The only person standing in your way is you. Ed may be by your side but you have the strength and ability to push him down and walk in front of him all the while following recovery to find freedom. A freedom that will bring opportunities and experiences beyond your wildest imagination.

You have the power, ability and choice to disobey Ed and walk with recovery. Yes, the road is difficult but one that does get easier over time. You too can have the things you desire, the things you long for, the things you dream about. YOU have the power to get it ALL.

Take your power back, get what you want and start now…..disobey Ed. Follow the lead of recovery. Do your recovery tools, stop your behaviors, go to your outpatient appointments, follow your meal plan, ask for help, work with your treatment team…….You will begin to see the light ahead and a new life begin. You can have all you dream and desire. It’s within your reach so grab it…..you can have it too.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Happy Holidays!

2011-12-19T08:32:00.002-05:00

I want to take this opportunity to wish everyone a Happy Holiday and Happy New Year. I also wanted to say thank you for your support in reading my blog and book this past year. I am honored that you have chosen to include my words and experiences as part of your recovery process. I honor that and hold it close to my heart.

Practice self care this holiday season all the while keeping recovery right next to you. Ed is not welcome so push him aside and Tell Ed No! Use your tools to help you through difficult times and know that with practice, persistence, hard work, faith and time, recovery does happen. The freedom you seek can be found and can be yours.

Enjoy the time with family and friends and I hope your holidays are filled with fun and joy. My thoughts are with you and your fight this season and I send you strength and peace. The Holiday season is based on faith, so keep faith and hope close as you move forward. Believe in yourself and know you will overcome. You can do it.

Happy Holidays.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

A Friend's Recovery Blog....Check it out....

2011-12-05T08:55:00.003-05:00

Hi Everyone:

I hope this finds you are all doing well and kicking Ed's butt. Remember.....talk back to Ed and disobey him.....everything he says is a lie so don't believe him. Listen to Recovery. You can do this.

With this posting, I wanted to share with you a blog that my friend (and fellow survivor) Justine author's. She is in the process of writing a book (which I am a contributing author for) and expects it to come out sometime next year.

Her blog is: http://www.LifeWithCheeseburgers.com. Take a peek at it and see what resonates with you and your recovery.

I hope you all have a great week. Stay strong and know that you too can recover. You have the strength and power to fight and win. Don't give up and always believe.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Thanksgiving

2011-11-21T09:33:00.001-05:00

With Thanksgiving being this week, I wanted to remind you of the reasons we celebrate the holiday because ED can try to convince you otherwise. Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks for who we have in our life and how much our life is filled with love and gratitude for ourselves and others. Spending time with family and friends and making memories is what it’s all about.

I know you may get overwhelmed with all the obsessive thoughts you may be faced with but put a positive spin to it instead by saying positive affirmations and mantras and push ED aside. Look at is as an opportunity to take another step forward down that recovery road and show ED who is boss…YOU. Be in the present moment with friends and family and feel the experience for all that it is rather than being with ED.

Take some deep breaths. Be proactive and make a plan if you get into trouble --call a friend, bring affirmation cards with you, bring your journal, distract by watching TV or converse with family, bring a small tangible object that makes you smile and gives you strength. If you are overwhelmed with all the food around, remove yourself from the kitchen and go chat with family or make a phone call or text someone to check in. When it comes time to eat dinner, respect the food for the medicine it is to nourish your brain and body to keep you healthy. Thanksgiving dinner is just that, dinner. Remember, there is no such thing as bad foods. It’s all ok to eat.

Yes food is around during this time but concentrate on the family and friends you are with and talk back to ED and tell him to get lost. Tell him you don’t want him to be part of your holiday season. Tell him he is not welcomed and he needs to leave you alone. Stay strong and know you are not alone during this Thanksgiving. Fight for yourself and fight for your recovery. It’s all worth it. I’ll be thinking of you all.

With health and hope,

Cheryl

Don't get sidetracked

2011-11-07T08:50:00.000-05:00

Life goes on and the good happens along with the not so good. We could be in a new relationship with someone, just broken up with someone, moved into a new home, found a new job, got laid off, made new friends, reconnected with old friends and so much more. No matter what the scenario looks like in your life it is important to remember not to get sidetracked by what is happening and keep your recovery a priority.

All too often we get deeply involved and get tunnel vision about the on-goings of our life and following recovery almost seems like it’s getting in the way and it’s easy to make excuses not to follow it. Like, I’m too busy, I don’t have time or I’m not as bad as I was so I don’t have to pay close attention. During the time we have our attention on other things and not keeping recovery our priority is when Ed gets sneaky and tries to get us to listen to him. He could be coy and say “missing a snack is no big deal, you need to help your mother so it’s ok” or “you’ve had your meal plan most of the day so it’s ok if you need to have less since your friends are cooking……it’s not your fault” or “you’ve been so busy and working so hard on things, you can take a break…you deserve it”.

Be leery of the sneaky ways Ed will try to grab your attention because your attention is on life. Be hyperaware. To help avoid Ed’s trap, you need to be sure your recovery is still top priority no matter what is going on in your life….good or not so good. Continue to plan and stick to it no matter what life throws at you. You need to be sure the two blend together to remain on track and healthy. You need to follow recovery “while” living life.

So don’t get sidetracked by the on-goings of life. Keep recovery a priority and by doing so your life will be fulfilled and dealing with all of life’s happiness and challenges will be easier and more rewarding. By keeping recovery number one, Ed can be kept at bay and you will be sharper and more on target to keep yourself safe if he tries to worm his way in. Make a plan, stick to it and be strong. Always disobey Ed and follow recovery……a life of freedom will then follow.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Laughing Ducks!

2011-10-24T08:02:00.000-04:00

So as you know one of my favorite places is my local pond. I love to be in nature, breath the air, feel the energy of the trees, connect with the people and just enjoy life. I usually stop at my favorite bench overlooking the water and meditate. This particular day as I was meditating I was jarred by the sound of ducks quacking. A few of them quacked then immediately after others would quack. This went on for a bits time. As I heard the sound, I determined for myself that they were talking and laughing. The stories they were telling each other brought a sound of laughter from their beaks and it made me chuckle. I loved sitting there hearing them laugh…it made me laugh out loud and put a smile on my face.

Laughter is important on our journey of recovery. Laughing is a great tool. When was the last time you laughed? Are you able to laugh at yourself? As you know, when we are with Ed, it is hard to have a sense of humor and laugh. We don’t find anything funny and take everything as a personal attack somehow. When we begin to leave Ed, laughter finds its way back to us and it is a wonderful addition to life.

I encourage you to find the laughter you lost with Ed and bring it back into your recovery plan. Call up a friend who can make you laugh, listen to a funny program on TV, read a funny joke, laugh at yourself for doing something silly or go to your pond and listen to the ducks. For me personally, I try to make sure I laugh at least once a day. In the beginning of recovery it was hard to find the laughter but as you move forward and not give up, it gets easier to see it and feel it. You will be surprised how much fun it is to laugh and how much it can help you heal. Have you laughed today?

With health and hope,
Cheryl

I can't see it...........have faith.

2011-10-03T08:02:00.001-04:00

In life there are things that we can’t see or feel, yet we know that it is what we need to survive. In the early stages, recovery is one of these things. When we begin our recovery, we are going on faith and trust and what others tell us is the truth. Going through the day with our recovery plan in place yet not being able to see or feel recovery yet for ourselves. It seems all we feel is pain and how can we have faith and trust in that? All the while we follow recovery Ed is yelling at us telling us to follow him and he can make the pain go away and show us a vision we can see immediately. It’s in these moments that we must trust and have faith and show strength in our recovery to do it anyway despite the fact we can’t see or feel it yet.

Faith and Trust in recovery is vital to our success in finding freedom. We must rely on the word of others to help us through and the vision of a life of freedom that we can’t just yet see. Know that as you walk with recovery by your side the vision you have faith in becomes clearer and brighter and comes into focus as you go. The further you walk down the path of recovery, the closer and clearer the image and feeling of freedom becomes.

Don’t let go of the faith and hope you have and don’t let go of the strength you have inside. Hold on to it tighter for it will bring you to a place that is amazing. A place where anything is possible and a place free of rules and judgment….a place of freedom. Trust me when I tell you have faith in the vision of recovery for if you continue to work hard and follow its path you will see it clearly. I promise. You can do it….have faith!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Appreciation of the simple things

2011-09-19T08:44:00.001-04:00

When we are with ED it is hard to appreciate anything. We are constantly following the rules and doing what he says. We don’t have the vision to look around, take things in and appreciate them….we are only focused on ED and ED’s mission for us.

When we begin to follow recovery and leave ED, our vision of things in life begin to change. We begin to see a little brighter and can focus on life around us rather than the darkness that ED gives us. Recovery gives us opportunity….an opportunity for appreciation and gratitude.

I was at work the other day and I took a walk outside to the mail box. In my 5 minute walk there and back I was feeling and experiencing life all around me. I was visited by a family of geese crossing the street in the crisp air, the wind was blowing softly giving me a chill, the sun was shining on my face, I was breathing in the fresh air and people walking by made eye contact and said hello.

At that moment I thanked recovery for giving me the ability to be grateful for the simple things that life has to offer and appreciate it within my heart. For there once was a time where that was impossible. With recovery anything is possible.

Take time to look around and appreciate all that life has to offer. Do it all with recovery by your side and see how much your heart can be filled. Disobey ED and follow the path recovery has for you. Nourish yourself, disobey ED and stop ED behaviors. That path of recovery will lead you down a road where your eyes, heart, mind and soul will open wide. You are strong and you can be free. You deserve it. Embrace the simple things.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Following the Mother Duck

2011-09-06T09:20:00.001-04:00

I was meditating at my local pond and became aware of a line of ducks. The mother duck was in front with the baby ducks following behind. I watched this grand procession and then for a second one of the babies veered off course to go into another direction. The mother duck made a sound and told the baby duck to get back on track and follow her….the baby duck followed the mother’s instructions.

This scene is similar to recovery whereas Recovery is the Mother duck and you are following as you are guided where to go, what to do and how to keep yourself safe from harm (Ed). Following recovery will bring you freedom and will keep you safe. If you veer off course, it will be dark and lonely and nothing positive will come from it despite how inviting, enticing or comfortable it may look at first. If you veer, then right away get back behind recovery and continue to swim for it will show you the healthy way.

So, through your day follow the lead recovery has for you by following your meal plan, going to your appointments, reaching out for support, taking risks, stopping behaviors, practicing and doing your recovery tools and all the while you will get stronger and begin to find freedom. Recovery is the mother duck who will never steer you wrong. Listen and follow her advice. Trust her. Don’t let Ed sway you into veering off course. His path will lead nowhere.

Stay strong and keep swimming…….

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Telling Ed No Second Edition

2011-08-23T09:09:00.006-04:00

Hello Everyone:

It is with great excitement that I share with you that the 2nd Edition of Telling Ed No (Gurze Books) has been sent to the printer and is scheduled for release in Sept./Oct. 2011.

Pre-order Telling Ed No today from Amazon and get it as soon as its available. Thank you so much for your support.

Recovery happens and freedom can be yours. Stay strong and never give up.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Teamwork

2011-08-08T08:03:00.000-04:00

I was walking around my local pond and saw a canoe in the water. The two people stroked in unison as the boat moved forward. They worked together as a team to get to where they needed to go.

Recovery is much like this. It takes teamwork to get where you need to go and without it, you won’t get anywhere. Recovery can’t be accomplished alone. With a treatment team and supports in place (with your hard work and commitment) you can ask that they help you row to get where you need to go.

Reach out to your recovery team (made up of all your supports) and let them help guide you. With the team behind you gently nudging you along you will feel supported and strong. It’s hard to ask for help and even harder to trust that help but know those teammates love you and are supportive in getting you where you need to be and getting you what you deserve…..a life full of freedom….all without Ed.

So jump in the boat with your recovery team, not Ed, and row together as one, in unison, and try to enjoy the view along the way despite the clouds that may be above. Know that the skies will clear and the view will be beautiful. Just take it one stroke at a time.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Nourishing with Nature

2011-07-18T08:43:00.001-04:00

I went for a walk around the trails at my local pond. As usual families, dogs and children were enjoying the sunshine while being together in nature. It was a wonderful day and the smell of the summer air and the warmth of the sun was wonderful.

While I rounded the corner of the trail, there on the street was an ice cream truck. It brought a smile to my face as I recalled being small and hearing the truck drive around my neighborhood selling its goodies. While I walked toward it there was a line of families waiting to grab a treat…..they had the right idea. So, I took out my money and got a treat for myself.

As usual I stopped at this specific bench that overlooks the pond and forest. I had my afternoon snack in hand and the breeze was blowing softly. As I sat there eating my ice cream, I glanced over to my right and saw a squirrel walking towards me. He was not afraid. He sniffed the ground and then grabbed an acorn and sat upright holding it with his cute little hands and nibbled on it. He was less than 3 feet away…..practically sitting on the bench with me. I then glanced into the water right in front of me to see a ducks head pop up from underneath the water as he was eating a fish he caught.

There I sat on my bench with my journal and ice cream having afternoon snack with the animals of nature. We were all nourishing ourselves and doing what we needed in order to keep ourselves in balance….and we enjoyed what we were eating as well. I also nourished myself in other ways that afternoon as I brought my journal with me to write down my thoughts and feelings, meditated with the sounds of nature all around me and took “me” time.

I can nourish myself in all of these ways because of recovery. Recovery gives me the ability to care for myself in all the ways that keep me safe and on the right path. When I was with Ed, he kept me on a path of darkness and the only one getting nourished was Ed. He was being fueled by my obeying him and he was getting stronger and stronger….not anymore!

As you are on your recovery path, look at various ways that you can nourish yourself. Look within and see what you can do and how it can help you grow. As always, disobey Ed and follow recovery. Perhaps do something that Ed has told you not to do before and show him YOU are in control. “Be” with yourself and keep Ed away. Nourish your entire being to foster growth and move forward in your journey….you can do this!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Beyond Eating Disorders Workshop!!!

2011-07-06T10:11:00.003-04:00

Hey Everyone:

Thom Rutledge's Beyond Eating Disorder Workshop is coming up fast. It is July 29 - 31st in Cumberland Furnace, Tennessee and I would love to see you there. These weekends are filled with hope, strength, support and new friends. No matter where you are in your journey you could benefit. Thom's workshops for me were eye-opening and gave me many Ah-ha moments that I will never forget. Come join us! Call Lizzy at Onsite for more information and to sign up. Her number is: 800-341-7432 or email her at lizzy@onsiteworkshops.com. The cost covers the workshop, materials, lodging, meals and transportation to and from the airport. Tell her Cheryl sent you! I hope to see you soon.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Skipping rocks.......

2011-06-20T08:29:00.003-04:00

I went for a walk in nature at my local pond which has trails, benches, fountains and much more. Families and dogs were all around and people were kayaking on the pond. The sun was glistening off the pond as a feeling of peace was in the air. I had a wonderful time.

As I was sitting on the bench overlooking the water, a family with a son about 14 sat two benches away. After a bit the father and son went down to the water to throw rocks in the pond to see if they would skip. The Dad had the art form down but the son had never done it before. The Dad was teaching and guiding him on what to do. The son was throwing rock, after rock, after rock. Each time the son threw in a rock it didn’t skip, he picked another one up and threw it in, then another, then another…not giving up and telling himself and his Dad out loud that he will get this. After about ½ hr. he did it. He threw a rock in the pond and it skipped three times across the water. Then he threw another one it and it skipped again….success.

This scene that played out in front of me reminded me of recovery and how important it is not to give up no matter how many times we have to try until we succeed. No matter how many times you may fall along the way, always learn and get back up….just like that boy; as he kept trying each time, he asked for guidance from his father (learned) and then got up and tried again.

So learn from your stumbles and have your treatment team and supports guide you and help you up to keep moving forward. If you fall, have recovery pick you back up, not Ed. Remember that all falls are still steps forward…..in the end they will help you succeed and find freedom. Throw another rock in that water and don’t give up! You can do it!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Honk like the geese!

2011-06-06T09:55:00.001-04:00

Last Friday I was talking my afternoon walk after lunch when overhead I saw and heard a flock of geese. As they were flying over me they were making their honking sounds and all talking back and forth with each other. I imagined them talking about their day and more importantly guiding each other on their path.

These geese reminded me of recovery. In recovery it is important to talk honestly to others about our feelings, dreams and what we need. Reaching out and using our voice, not Ed’s, is important in our quest. By conversing with others about our needs, feelings, wants, desires, dreams and hopes, they can help guide us on our recovery journey. It means we aren’t alone. We grow and get stronger each time we speak and brainstorm with another. Our voice is empowering. If we don’t use our voice, it means we isolate with Ed and that is a set up for disaster.

I encourage you this week (and beyond) to honk like the geese and use your voice to obtain what you need in your life and recovery. Take a risk despite the doubt Ed will try to manipulate you with. You are stronger than he is and deserve the freedom you seek. Disobey him.
What does your voice sound like?

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Something for me...... (and you)

2011-05-31T08:12:00.003-04:00

During this past holiday weekend I went shopping. I went to the Mall and various stores around my house with a mission to buy myself something…….I succeed. I actually bought myself a few things! :-) I owe this act of buying myself something, without guilt, to recovery.

When I was with Ed, I hardly ventured out anywhere, especially clothes shopping but even still I didn’t feel worthy enough to spend money on myself. I felt guilty and felt I didn’t deserve it. It wasn’t until I began following recovery, disobeying Ed and gaining my health back that I realized that I am worthy and I do deserve nice things….just like you do.

Today, if I see something I like, I buy it all without guilt. I remind myself that I work hard and take care of myself and part of taking care of myself is to treat myself to nice, new things once in a while. I am a good person and I deserve it.

So, I challenge you this week and beyond to do something nice and care for yourself (in addition to eating your meal plan….that goes without saying). Take a risk and disobey Ed and go to the mall and go shopping or buy some self-care. (use friend/family support, positive self talk, journaling and affirmations to help you) Buy that certain purse you’ve been looking at, buy a new shirt you’ve been eyeing, buy a new electronic gadget or get a massage or pedicure. You deserve it and are worth it. Push Ed aside and go out and do for yourself. What will you get/do? (feel free to leave comments on what you did and/or what you bought) :-)

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Thanks - MEDA Conference

2011-05-23T14:23:00.004-04:00

Hello everyone....

I just wanted to send out a big Thanks to everyone who stopped by this weekend to see me at the MEDA Conference. It was wonderful to meet new people, hear their stories, make connections and catch up with old friends. Also a big thanks for buying my book!

As always MEDA put on a wonderful conference....thanks MEDA. If you are in need or know someone who is in need of help with their eating disorder, MEDA is a wonderful place to visit to get guidance and point you in the right direction. They are a great organization! Check them out www.medainc.org Go Recovery!!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Bless You!

2011-05-16T08:56:00.000-04:00

I was leaving the grocery store the other day with my cart filled with yummy goodness and as I walked outside, the beautiful sun shone on me and warmed me all over. As I began walking to my car I sneezed as the sun was so bright. Walking towards me was a gentleman in his 40’s and as he heard me sneeze he said “Bless you”. As he told me that I said, wow Bless Me….can mean so many things…and all acknowledged because of my recovery.

When I was in the depths of Ed living each day with him I didn’t feel anything, let alone feel blessed. I was too busy concentrating on what Ed was telling me and making sure I did it right so I wouldn’t disappoint him. I wasn’t aware of what or who I had as my vision and thoughts were solely on Ed.

Then the days came where I chose to follow recovery and with recovery came feeling blessed. I felt blessed that I had the strength in me to fight Ed, I felt blessed that I had family and friends around me, I felt blessed I had a treatment team who cared about me, I felt blessed for my God and Angles to give me guidance, I felt blessed that I felt hope and so much more.

Now that I am recovered, I feel blessed everyday for the gifts recovery has given me….freedom, self-love, strength, life, a social life, health, drive, choice, the love of food, positive body image and so much more. If it wasn’t for my recovery I wouldn’t have all that I have—emotionally, spiritually and physically--. It’s because of recovery that I can now see how truly blessed I am.

Look at your life and your recovery and search within to find your blessings. We are all blessed. As you move along on your recovery journey and figure out your path, I say to you…Bless You. What are you blessed with?

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Let's Do This!

2011-05-09T09:21:00.000-04:00

I attended my nephew’s first baseball game of the season. I was perched in my chair with my coffee and snack waiting patiently for the game to begin. To my right was a picnic table where some kids were finishing up registering. There was a young man next to me who put on his team shirt, grabbed his glove and ran by me anxious for the game to start. As he ran by me, he said to himself—loud enough for me to hear—as he punched his hand in his glove--- “Let’s do this!”

As I heard those words come from his mouth they resonated with me. Here was a 13 year old stating these words related to his baseball game that can be put with anything we face in our life; including our recovery. Let’s do this….let’s disobey Ed; Let’s practice our tools; Let’s follow recovery….Let’s do this!

The feeling behind saying Let’s Do This, is one of passion, drive and commitment for a positive outcome. A strength within to perform to the best of your ability. Recovery requires a passion, drive and commitment in order to find freedom from Ed….freedom that can be acquired.

Take the words of “Let’s Do This” and put them to use for you and your recovery. Do those things that you fear, do those things that you think you can’t, do those things that push you forward, do those things that strengthen you and your recovery. Find the fire within you and say those words and more importantly “do” those words. This is a game you can win!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Celebrate Today, Celebrate You

2011-05-02T10:08:00.000-04:00

As I mentioned recently, I just went to Disney. While I was at the Magic Kingdom I watched the Disney Parade down Main Street. The theme of the parade as well as parts of the theme song of the parade is “Celebrate Today, Celebrate You”. That really touched me.

When we are with Ed we don’t celebrate today or celebrate us in fact we don’t celebrate anything. We are only in tune to Ed and his rules and obey. We are in darkness and on automatic as we are like robots being controlled by his master. However, there is a way out of that and we can get to a place where we can celebrate today and celebrate us….its Recovery!

Following recovery each day allows us to see things differently. From the world around us to inside our own self. With recovery we get stronger and Ed gets weaker. Recovery is a reason to celebrate. With recovery we can celebrate each day.

I encourage you to celebrate today and celebrate you in your recovery and your accomplishments. Celebrate each day! Celebrate the fear food you ate, Celebrate disobeying Ed, Celebrate your asking for support, Celebrate the lessons you’ve learned, Celebrate following your meal plan, Celebrate going to a therapy or nutritionist appointment, Celebrate the social event you went to, Celebrate the growth you’ve achieved, Celebrate your commitment, Celebrate the tools you did, Celebrate your Values and Morals.

With each day and each accomplishment you’ve made Celebrate it. Recovery is hard work so celebrate all the steps, no matter how small they seem…they are all steps. Celebrate being You! The more we celebrate today and celebrate us the stronger we get and our attitude remains at a positive checkpoint. I give you permission to celebrate, you deserve and earned it!

What will you celebrate today?

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Contributing Author to Aimee Liu's new book

2011-04-25T14:00:00.003-04:00

Hi Everyone:

I just wanted to let you know of a new book by Aimee Liu that comes out tomorrow, April 26th, titled: Restoring Our Bodies, Reclaiming Our Lives: Guidance and Reflections on Recovery From Eating Disorders. I am a contributing author in this book and am excited for its release. Aimee has done a wonderful job in putting this book together. I am honored to be a part of it. Below is the press release for your information. Have a great week.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

--------------------------------

April 7, 2011— After the release of author Aimee Liu’s memoir Gaining—about her recovery from an eating disorder—she received an outpouring of letters from people similarly struggling with ED, and from others who wanted to share their stories of recovery. Liu was struck by the diversity of voices and the eloquence with which these letter-writers shared their pain and triumph as they began to rebuild their lives without ED.

In Restoring Our Bodies, Reclaiming Our Lives: Guidance and Reflections on Recovery From Eating Disorders (Trumpeter, April 2011) Liu has woven together dozens of these first-person accounts from people of all ages and from all over the world to create a roadmap for healing from an eating disorder. These letters are a lifeline for those still struggling with the disease—from those who have been there and survived it.

There are unexpected stories, like the woman who has never seen a fashion magazine because she’s blind and yet suffers from ED, the male athlete who challenges the stereotype that ED is a “girl’s disease,” or the black woman who hides her bulimia in plain sight, refusing to go to therapy because she believes “only white people did that.” A mother and daughter share their unique perspectives on the disease and how the family unknowingly played a role in its development. Those who have recovered report the methods that worked best for them—whether it was intuitive eating, medication, cognitive behavioral therapy, or journaling. Throughout the book are informative sidebars written by leading professionals in the field addressing topics explored in the letters, such as finding the right therapist, exploring complementary treatments, and how family members can help.

These letters offer hope of a brighter, more fulfilling life free from ED. Of course there’s no deadline for when recovery happens, but just knowing it is possible no matter your age, race, or background, is enough to renew your faith that it can and will get better.

Aimee Liu is a novelist and the author of Gaining, an acclaimed investigation into the causes and consequences of anorexia and bulimia nervosa. She teaches creative writing at Goddard College and lives in Los Angeles. For more information, visit www. aimeeliu.net.

The author’s proceeds from the sale of this book will be donated to the Academy for Eating Disorders, Clinical Research and Scholarship Fund. For more information visit http://www.aedweb.org/.

What people are saying about Restoring Our Bodies, Reclaiming Our Lives

“Liu puts each of these intimate letters into helpful contexts, so that current sufferers may learn from their peers. With clinical notes and information on new and unique approaches, Liu's effort offers something for everyone affected by this issue, whether personally, peripherally, or professionally. It clearly shows that relief from suffering can be found in the stories of other sufferers.”—PublishersWeekly.com

“A terrific book with a compelling interplay between the perspectives of professionals and the stories of people who have successfully recovered from eating disorders. Highly informative and a great read.”—B. Timothy Walsh, MD, Columbia University Medical Center

Beyond Eating Disorder July Workshop DISCOUNT

2011-04-19T08:49:00.008-04:00

Hey Everyone:

I have some Awesome news. As you know I work with Thom Rutledge at his Beyond Eating Disorder Worshops in Tennessee. The next BED workshop is July 29-31st. Thom is offering a 20% discount AND a discounted deposit until May 2nd.

The Discounted price for the workshop is $950 (originally $1,185) AND the discount deposit is $300 (original is $500). This is an AMAZING offer. It includes workshop, lodging, meals and transportation to and from airport.

It is an unbelieveable weekend that will give you hope and strength. You will make new friends and will kick Ed's butt. The weekend will truly change your life. I promise it will...for the better. The discount is only good until May 2nd so don't delay. Call Lizzy at Onsite and sign up. This workshop changed my life and it can change yours too. Call Lizzy at 1-800-341-7432 or email her at lizzy@onsiteworkshops.com. You won't be disappointed.

See you in July!

With health and hope,

Cheryl

Go where you need to.....

2011-04-11T08:46:00.001-04:00

As you know I take yoga and I love it. Yoga connects me to my heart, soul, mind, body and so much more. It brings me peace and respect to my body, mind and soul. Last week at the end of class my yoga instructor, who is amazing, informed us that she wouldn’t be teaching the class any longer. Sadness overwhelmed me as I thought of not having this teacher and the gifts she brings to her practice. For me in my practice the connection I have to the teacher is as vital as the breath during yoga. I need to feel their strength and peace and permission and this instructor provides that and so much more.

After class I waited for everyone to leave and talked to the teacher. I began to cry as the feelings took hold and let loose. I felt silly for crying and figured she would think I’m a nut (which she didn’t by the way) but I couldn’t help my emotion and didn’t want to hold it in. I needed to express it (thanks recovery). After we spoke she did inform me that she would be holding classes at another facility. I was happy about that but it was a bit of a drive (1hr. vs. 5 min. from home) and at a much later time and it involved missing quality time with my family that I do each week.

So I had a decision to make…do I follow my teacher or do I go to another class (btw, tried them all (5) and didn’t “feel” any other teacher) and keep my quality time with family. I reflected on this decision and decided that the gifts, peace, health and strength I get from this teacher was worth missing some quality time with family. So, I decided I would make the drive so I could still get what helps me so much in my daily life and recovery. My teacher was worth it and more importantly, I was worth it. (thanks recovery)

So the purpose of my telling you this is to reflect on what you need and what gives you peace, health, strength, passion etc. in your recovery and go where you need to go to get it…no matter how far the drive or how inconvenient it may be in other plans you have. The commitment to yourself and your recovery is important and in the end you will benefit two fold. Yes, I will miss having dinner with my whole family and watching American Idol with them but my health and well being and feeling at peace and gaining strength from another I can feel and relate to and learn from is important to me.

Find what works for you and what you need in your recovery and go to it…follow it…. for it will help set you free.

With health and hope, Cheryl

Disney

2011-04-04T10:13:00.002-04:00

I just got back from Disney this weekend. Being there brings me pure joy and freedom. I have the ability to act like a kid, have a fun time exploring, go on all the rides all the while not having a care in the world. It really is Fantasyland.

I went/go to Disney for the feeling and experience I get when I am there. Feelings like joy, freedom, passion, fun, excitement, happiness and much more. Doing something that brings this many positive feelings is amazing because there was a time that it didn’t happen. Ed prevented it. Not now. Yes when we are with Ed it can be very difficult to step out of the box and do a fun activity and see what feelings come from it because he is telling us we don’t matter, aren’t deserving and it won’t be fun but know that it can be done. Going against Ed and being social and exploring something other than him is difficult and uncomfortable but worth it for the gifts it gives you. Some activities and places will bring more intense feelings and others less intense one but feelings is what we strive for.

I encourage you to push Ed aside and participate in an activity or go someplace fun and new this week and see how it makes you feel (then journal about it after). Talk back to him and tell him NO, do some positive self talk, journal, say some mantras and affirmations or call a friend for support (to go with you). You deserve to express yourself and feel the fun and joy it can bring to and for you. Take your power back and tell Ed NO! I can guarantee you in the end you and your recovery will be better because of it. (even if Ed says otherwise)

Where will you go?

With health and hope, Cheryl

Stop and Smell the Flowers

2011-03-28T12:16:00.000-04:00

Every Monday at my office we get a flower delivery for the front entry way. Every day I pass by those flowers without a single thought. This day was different. I actually noticed the flowers, could appreciate their beauty and stopped to actually smell them. While I sniffed in their aroma, thoughts of beauty and appreciation filled my head. Positive feelings came about as the beautiful smell triggered nice thoughts and a warm feeling inside. By their smell, it just made me feel better inside......thanks recovery. When we are with Ed, we don’t stop to smell the flowers. We can’t and don’t appreciate beauty as we can’t even see it because Ed has us in darkness. Feeling warmth and seeing positive images are hard to come by as Ed tries to convince us that only he can provide warmth and positive energy. Well…he is WRONG. He can do no such thing. Ed does not give actual feelings of warmth, positiveness or beauty. He gives us a false sense of it all through his manipulation and lies. Don’t believe it. I encourage you to stop and smell the flowers and see what feelings and vision they bring to you. Be mindful of what you take in and how you react to it. You can even journal about it to validate it all and feel it through. You may be surprised what comes up when you start writing (and smell). So, push Ed aside and tell him NO as you stop and take a sniff. Look around, take notice and see what it brings you…all without Ed. You deserve to stop and smell the flowers. With health and hope, Cheryl

Headband

2011-03-21T09:59:00.001-04:00

Over the last few days I have been wearing my hair back with a headband. I usually only wear it like this on the weekends but branched out and wore it like this to work. I never really thought about it before until the other day when I looked in the mirror and then when I was walking around the office.

I looked in the mirror before leaving for my day and realized, wow, I really like my hair like this. I think it looks nice off my face. Then I was at work just walking around and “felt” inside the confidence and pride I had because people could “see” me and my face. I felt amazing inside and I really wanted people to see me for I was proud of who I was and what I have to give…to others and to myself. I felt that with my hair being off my face that people could see all of that from the inside out. I felt pretty and proud.

I have recovery to thank for this realization of wearing my hair off my face. There was a time that I wanted to hide from the world and never wanted to be seen. From my clothes, to my face, to my hair to where I went or didn’t go I would hide away from the world just to be alone with Ed. I was afraid and didn’t want to be without Ed nor did I know who I really was. I didn’t feel proud, pretty or confident at all. Ed took that all from me.

Because I follow recovery, today I can wear my hair off my face and feel a sense of pride, confidence and feel I look pretty. I love and honor the fact that I Want people to See Me. It feels weird, but as Thom always taught me…weird is good!

I challenge you to wear your hair off your face so people can “see” you. Hold your head high and be proud of who you are and what you have to give…to yourself and to others. Begin to feel it and appreciate it for it is there inside you. Continue to disobey Ed, follow your meal plan, go to your appointments, reach out for support, feel the feelings…do all of it for you and your recovery. You are worth it and aren’t alone. Which headband will you wear today?

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Wide Open

2011-03-14T11:18:00.002-04:00

I worked with Thom Rutledge this past weekend at his Beyond Eating Disorder Retreat in Tennessee. (I highly encourage you all to attend one) These retreats are always filled with such strength and hope. The transformation I see in each woman over the course of the weekend is simply amazing. I am truly honored that they allow me to be a part of their journey.

During this weekend, the women were open in mind, heart and body to accept whatever they needed in order to continue to move forward in their recovery. Exercises were done, stories were told, questions were asked and answered and things were shared. It was amazing to see a shift when a mind was open to the possibilities.

I urge (and give permission to) all of you to keep your mind and heart wide open to the various information/tools/advice you can use to find freedom from your disease. Ed wants you to have a closed mind as he will try to convince you that you aren’t worth it, don’t deserve it or can’t do it but know that he is WRONG. You can take the information you are given by your treatment team and others and put it to work for you. Whether it be a change to your meal plan, to make more outpatient appointments, to go into treatment, to make a goals list, to journal, to write a letter to Ed, to reach out to your supports, to eat a fear food, to attend a recovery workshop etc. its all possible.

So, keep an open heart and mind and let it all soak in and then make some steps to reach your goals to move forward. Put action to it all. You will be amazed at the transformations that can take place when you have an open mind and heart and allow yourself to accept what you are being told by supports. It goes on faith because Ed is loud but know that Ed always lies so believe in recovery and not Ed. Most importantly, believe in yourself….I do. What are you open to?

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Recovery and life need support

2011-03-07T11:37:00.000-05:00

This coming weekend I will be working with Thom Rutledge at his Beyond Eating Disorders Retreat. I will see some peeps that I have worked with before and will also meet some new ones. I am very much looking forward to seeing everyone as I enjoy their energy and love to see them kick Ed’s butt.

When we all gather together in this tranquil spot to work, the support is amazing. It’s wonderful for the group to be around people that “get it” and also feel the support to let loose and work hard in fighting Ed and winning. Every person there is supported. Support is key in recovery (and life).

Beating Ed can’t be done alone despite the fact he may try to convince you otherwise as he wants to keep you all for himself. Don’t believe him. (Ed lies and is not your support) Support comes in many forms. It can be family, friends, treatment team, professors, treatment, recovery workshops, clergy, pets, support groups, sponsor, mentor and much more.

What’s important is reaching out to that support and utilizing it all to help guide you and teach you to fight….as well as using support for accountability. Accountability is important as if we are not accountable to our actions and our recovery, Ed sneaks in and takes us back into his domain. If we have someone to be accountable to, then we are stronger and can fight harder.

So utilize your support today and every day. Place a call, send an email, sign up for a workshop, go to a meeting…whatever it may be for you. Know that support is key no matter where you are in your recovery. For me, I find support in what I do to strengthen my recovery each day. Recovery and life in general requires support for a fulfilled and stronger existence.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Food Freedom

2011-02-28T10:22:00.000-05:00

I was watching the TV show, Giada at Home on the Food Network this weekend and she was making Comfort Foods. I love watching that channel as I get tips and great recipes. At the end of the show Giada brought her daughter Jade, who is a toddler, on as she often does. She sat her daughter in her high chair and the two of them ate all the food that Giada cooked. Jade was taking bite after bite and saying “yummy”, “more”, “good” etc. She was enjoying every bite of food that went in her mouth. Both of them were so free and having a special time and enjoying wonderful, delicious food.

When I saw this scene it made me think of how everyone in this world should eat and enjoy food like Jade was doing…without judgment and pure enjoyment. She was eating what she liked and was so happy doing so…and she was making memories with her Mom. When we are with Ed, scenes like this don’t happen as he takes all the joy out of eating and enjoying food. He robs us of everything and puts judgment on everything we do. It saddens me to think of how it is to live with Ed and the lies he tells us.

Well, I am here to tell you that you CAN have that scene like Jade and her Mom. You too can enjoy All food without judgment and make new memories with family and friends. Following recovery and disobeying Ed will give you the freedom and will allow you to love food. I Never thought that I would ever love food and be able to eat it without guilt or judgment or pain but now that Ed is no longer in the picture I do love food and have the freedom around it….and you can too…I promise.

So, even though it is painful, follow your meal plan and disobey Ed. Use your tools like, journaling, holding ice, calling supports, arts and crafts, music, goals list, tangible objects and much more to help you. Remember whatever Ed says is a Lie. He speaks no truth. Recovery speaks truth and can set you free. Food can be your friend and not your enemy. See ya Ed, I’m following recovery….you can do it.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

NEDAW - Virtual Walk with MentorCONNECT

2011-02-21T10:09:00.002-05:00

Hello Everyone:

As some of you know, I am on the Board (and mentor) of MentorCONNECT, the first global online eating disorder mentoring community. As part of NEDAW and in partnership with NEDA, MentorCONNECT is hosting a virtual walk. We can walk together no matter where we all are in support of Eating Disorder Recovery. Both NEDA and MentorCONNNECT will benefit from your donation in helping those with eating disoders. I donated and invite you to walk along beside me to donate as well. You can walk for as little as $12. So please be part of this virtual walk and donate to become part of "Team MentorCONNECT". Simply go to: www.mentorconnect-ed.org/mcnedavirtualwalk You've heard me say this before....fighting Ed takes an army, so let's join forces during National Eating Disorder Week and "Walk" together in silencing Ed and helping those recover. Together we make a difference. Please donate today.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Beyond Eating Disorder Workshop Will Soon Be Here

2011-02-14T10:46:00.003-05:00

The Beyond Eating Disorder Workshop will be here before you know it and I would love to see you there. As you know I work with Thom Rutledge at his Beyond Eating Disorder Worshops in Tennessee. The next workshop is March 11-13th. No matter where you are in your journey of recovery you will benefit from this workshop. You will be amazed by Thom's teachings and it will give you so much insight into your recovery. It will change your life and help strengthen your recovery. It is an unbelieveable weekend that will give you hope. You will make new friends and will kick Ed's butt. Call Lizzy at Onsite and sign up. This workshop changed my life and it can change yours too. Call Lizzy at 1-800-341-7432 and tell her Cheryl sent ya or email her at lizzy@onsiteworkshops.com. You won't regret it. See you next month.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Snow

2011-02-07T08:22:00.001-05:00

Since December we have received over 75 inches of snow. The piles of snow are so big that it is enveloping the cities, swallows up everything around it and roofs are caving in. It towers over you and you feel like you are being smothered and can't find your way out. Being with Ed feels this way too.

When we are with Ed, he smothers us and doesn’t let up. He towers over us and tries to take control. It can feel comforting…like he is there to care for us and keep us safe from the outside world but that is all a lie. EVERYTHING Ed tells us is a lie no matter how comforting it may seem or how enticing it is. Each time Ed talks to us, he is manipulating us and the situation in hopes we will follow him. Don’t fall for it. Always hold recovery’s hands, not Ed’s.

Take your shovel or snow blower out and get rid of the snow around you (Ed in this case). Take control of the situation and dig yourself out. You have the strength and power to chip away an inch at a time until the snow is all gone and all you see around you is a new world full of color and life. It takes time to remove all the snow and it is hard and painful work but if you keep working at it bit by bit and don’t give up, it all goes away. As you move forward and take a section at a time, you will see your progress. You can do this….you are strong!

Disobey Ed each and every time, stick to your recovery plan and get out there and shovel!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Nourishment

2011-01-31T08:26:00.002-05:00

Nourishing oneself with food is an important factor in recovering from Ed. Food is medicine and is imperative to getting rid of Ed. Without the proper nourishment our brain is unable to think correctly so feeding it breaths life to our recovery voice and gives us the power we need to win. Also, variety in our choices is vital and we learn that there is no such thing as bad foods.

Not only do we need to nourish our brain with food, we need to nourish our souls from within. Finding out as we follow along in recovery what feeds us helps us heal. It could be finding peace with a yoga or meditation class, hanging out with family and friends, religion, volunteering in some fashion, outdoor activities, bowling, writing, watching old movies etc. There are many ways we can nourish ourselves to feel whole.

As we move along in the recovery process, we begin to find out what helps us feel nourished inside as we leave Ed and find what is important to us, not Ed. Yes, it does take time and you may try a lot of things before you find the one or few things that fit and yes it can be painful because Ed was such a big part of your existence but know that it does happen and you will find things (in addition to food) that nourish your mind, body and soul…all without Ed. Don’t give up.

Take today as an opportunity to find out what nourishment might mean for you. Feed your body and brain with the food it needs and feed your mind and soul with nourishment and breath of life in recovery. What feeds you?

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Change is Scary

2011-01-24T08:28:00.000-05:00

Change is scary. Whether it be a change of jobs, a change of lifestyle, a change in your meal plan, a change in school, a change in a place to life, a change in no behaviors…whatever the change is it is scary but a necessary part of life. Change helps us grow within and helps us gain strength….even if we can’t feel it or see it right away.

When we are with Ed, we stay the same…we go on the automatic of listening to Ed and doing what he says. We are in his hell and we don’t change or grow. We are stagnant, lifeless and consumed with his rules and his constant chattering.

When we follow recovery, our thoughts and behaviors change and yes, that is scary. With these changes we begin to learn to trust ourselves, our treatment team, our meal plan, our body and much more. All changes.. but in the end these changes will set us free and make us stronger. We become full of life, free and have the ability of self-love. These are changes for the better….even though the pain of the change is so difficult.

No matter what change you are faced with, look at it as an opportunity to grow and gain strength. With recovery leading the way, the change is much more palatable and our confidence within our self will grow as well. Without change we don’t grow, we stand still. Take the change ahead for you and see what you learn from it. See how you can grow from it and how you can become stronger. With recovery by your side you have the power and can get through anything.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Discount for Thom's March Retreat.....come join us!

2011-01-18T08:42:00.002-05:00

Hey Everyone:

I have some exciting news. As you know I work with Thom Rutledge at his Beyond Eating Disorder Worshops in Tennessee. The next BED workshop is March 11-13th. Thom is offering a 20% discount AND a discounted deposit. The Discounted price for the workshop is $950 (originally $1,185) AND the discount deposit is $300 (original is $500). This is an AMAZING offer. It includes workshop, lodging, meals and transportation to and from airport. It is an unbelieveable weekend that will give you hope and strength. You will make new friends and will kick Ed's butt. The weekend will truly change your life. I promise it will...for the better. The discount is only good until Wednesday, January 19th so don't delay. Call Lizzy at Onsite and sign up. This workshop changed my life and it can change yours too. Call Lizzy at 1-800-341-7432 or email her at lizzy@onsiteworkshops.com. You won't be disappointed.

See you in March!

With health and hope,

Cheryl

Climb that mountain……the view at the top is beautiful……

2011-01-10T09:34:00.000-05:00

I went away for the weekend recently to New Hampshire. I stayed right on the lake and my view was a landscape of mountains. I could see the snowcap tops and the touraine of them all. I sat in the house with my hot cup of coffee gazing at the beautiful view. I was so appreciative that I am alive today (because of recovery) to witness such beauty.

As I sat there sipping and gazing, I noticed all the mountains. I noticed the definition in their mass structure and noticed the many tops as the landscape of them went up and down many times. As I looked at them I recalled that mountains are like recovery, it has many ups and downs but when you reach the top the view is beautiful.

Recovery is very difficult and like the mountains, there are many ups and downs. Persistent and taking your time in climbing up the mountain is key to reaching the top. Recovery is like that. It takes patience and persistence taking step after step to find the freedom you deserve. Disobeying ED each day and following recovery is a step upward to the beautiful view of life.

Know that the difficult times that recovery brings doesn’t last. The view does change along the way and gets better as you go along. Don’t give up. Keep climbing up and let recovery be your tour guide. Follow the recovery trail for that trial will lead you to amazing places. You may get tired as you climb but know you will get stronger as you go. You have the power and strength behind you to keep climbing. Just put one foot in front of the other!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

A Recovery Resolution!

2011-01-03T08:39:00.002-05:00

When New Years rolls around, everyone talks about resolutions and what they are going to change or improve on. Whether it be getting more sleep, spending more time with family or spending less money.

For this year’s resolution I encourage you to resolve to leave Ed, take your power back, find your true self and walk with recovery. When we are with Ed, he is in charge of our resolutions as to what he wants us to do or fix or change. He is manipulative and sneaky and spins things to make it seem like a goal for us but it’s his goal, not ours. Take your power back and tell Ed “No Thanks, I have my own resolution and you aren’t involved”

As the year proceeds, proceed daily by disobeying Ed and following the path recovery has set for you. The resolution to leave Ed and find freedom is one that can be accomplished and one that has wonderful rewards. You have the power of choice so make the choice and commitment this Year (today) to disobey Ed and listen to recovery. You can do it!

Exciting things are ahead for you with recovery leading the way. Leave Ed and all his torment back in 2010 and step into 2011 with recovery by your side and a new found sense of power. A New Year, A New Beginning, A New You!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

2010-12-20T14:53:00.001-05:00

I want to take this opportunity to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I also wanted to say thank you for your support in reading my blog and book this past year. I am honored that you have chosen to include my words and experiences as part of your recovery process. I honor that and hold it close to my heart, truly.

Practice self care this holiday season all the while keeping recovery right next to you. Ed is not welcome so push him aside and Tell Ed No! Use your tools to help you through difficult times and know that with practice, persistence, hard work, faith and time, recovery does happen. The freedom you seek can be found and can be yours.

Enjoy the time with family and friends and I hope your holidays are filled with fun and joy. My thoughts are with you and your fight this season and I send you strength and peace. The Christmas season is based on faith, so keep faith and hope close as you move forward. Believe in yourself and know you will overcome. You can do it.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Love,
Cheryl

DISCOUNT for Beyond Eating Disorder Workshop with Thom Rutledge

2010-12-07T11:01:00.004-05:00

Hey Everyone:

I have some exciting news. As you know I work with Thom Rutledge at his Beyond Eating Disorder Worshops in Tennessee. The next BED workshop is March 11-13th. Thom is offering a 20% holiday discount AND a discounted deposit. The Discounted price for the workshop is $950 (originally $1,185) AND the discount deposit is $300 (original is $500). This is an AMAZING offer. It includes workshop, lodging, meals and transportation to and from airport. It is an unbelieveable weekend that will give you hope and strength. You will make new friends and will kick Ed's butt. The weekend will truly change your life. I promise it will...for the better. The discount is only good until December 15th so don't delay. Call Lizzy at Onsite and sign up. Ask family and friends for money for christmas early towards the workshop. It will be the best gift they give you.....recovery! This workshop changed my life and it can change yours too. Call Lizzy at 1-800-341-7432 or email her at lizzy@onsiteworkshops.com. You won't be disappointed.

See you in March!

With health and hope,

Cheryl

The little things that bring joy.....

2010-11-29T09:11:00.000-05:00

My nephew’s birthday was recently. We all gathered at my brother’s house for dinner, cake, fun and presents. As always, it was great to be with the family making memories and having a great time.

When it came to opening the presents, Stephen was so excited. He was hoping for some WWE Wrestling stuff as he is totally into wrestling. He watches it all the time and my brother and his family go to see it live at various places around. They all love it….it’s crazy fun.

After he opened my present he was totally flipping out as I gave him an Interactive Wrestling Ring. It talks, has many gadgets and came with wrestling guys. It’s a hot new toy. He was flipping out and couldn’t get it opened fast enough. The excitement on his face and through the words he spoke after he opened it was so fun to see as he couldn’t contain his excitement.

As I watched him I sat there appreciating his pure joy. His joy was over such a simple thing but he appreciated it and felt the excitement throughout his whole being. It was wonderful to see. It got me to thinking about me and the little things that bring me joy.

When we are with ED, it is hard to feel excitement or joy as ED robs us of it all. He sends us negative messages about ourself, our body, our life, our food etc and it is hard to find joy when we are being bombarded by negativity all the time. It’s when we begin to disobey and leave ED we realize what we truly like and what truly makes us smile. Yes, it takes time to figure these things out but it does come piece by piece and each piece makes us whole. The rewards we get by leaving him is worth the all pain. Believe me when I tell you that you WILL find things that bring you joy—all without ED. I promise.

Many simple little things bring me joy and excitement….going to yoga, spending time with family, going out with friends, going on vacation to Disney, people watching, smiling and saying hello to others (even strangers), getting surprised by someone bringing me a Dunkin Donuts coffee (my favorite), a joke that makes me laugh, doing something nice for someone and much more.

Think about what brings you joy or excitement. As you begin to leave ED, what pieces are filling you up making you whole? Take notice during your day and live in the moment for when we do we are more aware of how we feel. Notice the feeling you get and when you find a feeling that is positive make note in your mind or write it down and begin to insert those things in your life. Search for all the things that bring you joy for without ED they will be many. It may take time but like recovery, be patient and it will all be discovered. Experience the little things…..what are they for you?

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Happy Thanksgiving

2010-11-22T09:34:00.000-05:00

I wanted to take this time to wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving. I know holidays can be difficult for many but it is important to focus on recovery and not the lies ED tells you during this time. It is possible to enjoy the holidays with food, family and fun. With recovery by your side the entire day(s), you can overcome the lies and stressors that ED brings to the table.

Use positive self talk, talk back to ED, write in your journal, listen to recovery songs, make a meal plan for the day and follow it (no excuses), use kids for distraction, remove yourself and take 10 minutes of “me” time, go for a 15 minute walk, call or text a friend, make a list of conversation topics before heading out and use that list to keep things positive for you, use your voice if things get uncomfortable and walk into the other room while reciting a positive mantra. All of these tools can be used to help you through the day. I used all of them on holidays and it helped me stay on the recovery track and continued to help me push ED aside and show him I am not listening to his lies (even though I did believe him and had a hard time believing recovery…must do it anyway)

Also, make a list of the things you are thankful for and read it over and over to remind you of the reason for the day and to give you a positive reflection. ED is not invited so push him aside and drown out his chatter with recovery speak. You have the power and you can do it. Believe! Happy Thanksgiving.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Don't Doubt it!

2010-11-16T09:03:00.002-05:00

When we are in recovery, no matter which stage of it, it is important to have an attitude of positivity and strength. At times it is hard to feel that inside because ED can be so loud and hard to deal with. Also, people around us can say not so nice things and put doubt in our heads as to whether we can recover at all….and when ED hears that he gets even louder and more convincing making us really question.

I am here to remind you that you CAN recover despite the negative messages you get from ED (all lies by the way) and possibly others that surround you. When you hear these messages of doubt this is where you fight harder for the freedom you deserve. Don’t let anyone take that away from you. Don’t give them the power…take your power back. Take it back from ED and take it back from those that cast doubt.

When doubt creeps in, use positive self talk and affirmations to help pick you back up to get back in the right mind set. Make a list of goals you want to achieve and read them over and over. Call or email a supportive friend or family member. Journal your feelings to express yourself and help get past the negativity and release it. Repeat a positive mantra daily. Listen to your favorite recovery song to uplift your spirit. Doing these tools will help cast away doubt and bring forth the positive vision of freedom and recovery…which you CAN ACHIEVE.

Don’t ever think that you can’t do this and don’t ever think that you aren’t worth it. You Can and you Are. Keep the positive attitude alive and continue to work hard, disobey and fight. ED can be silenced and freedom CAN AND WILL BE YOURS. Stay strong and keep fighting….don’t ever doubt it!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Through it all, Keep Stepping Forward.....

2010-11-08T10:23:00.001-05:00

During our life and in our recovery we are faced with feelings and challenges that bring us to the edge of explosion. Going through all of these feelings, stressors and emotions can bring upon uncomfortableness…an uncomfortableness that we think can only be soothed by ED. WRONG!

It’s times like that, during the uncomfortable feelings and life stressors that we need to forge ahead and eat anyway. Feel it all while we nourish for that is progress. We forge ahead and practice our tools of recovery for knowing that if we continue to follow the recovery path freedom awaits us.

When you are faced with life stresses and feelings that overwhelm you, continue—no matter what, no excuses---to follow your meal plan and follow recovery. Doing so continues to strengthen your body and mind and shows ED you are not taking his crap of lies any longer. You own it and have the power. The comfort ED tells you he can give you is a LIE. Remember EVERYTHING ED SAYS IS A LIE. Recovery speaks the truth.

So take a deep breath, meditate, listen to a recovery song, take a bath, cry, scream, call a friend or journal to help you through the feelings and stressors all the while following your meal plan. There are no such things as excuses not to follow recovery so be diligent and committed to finding the freedom you deserve and desire. It can be achieved so no matter what you are faced with, face it with recovery by your side, not ED. Recovery makes a better partner. Keep fighting and always believe.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Support and fear...thanks

2010-11-01T09:28:00.002-04:00

Last week I mentioned fear in my blog…fear of the dentist. I did that to show that no matter what fear we come up against, it can be conquered. Whether it be fear of getting a tooth pulled, fear of a new meal plan, fear of leaving ED, fear of trying a new activity or the fear of a new treatment team etc. Fears we face head on CAN BE ACCOMPLISHED.

Yes, fears can be accomplished but we don’t have to go it alone. Support is key in helping us overcome our fears. I mentioned my fear last week and I was so blessed and surprised that a lot of you wrote me a personal email of support. I was truly touched and it helped so much. I did think of all the emails I got and stories you told me as I sat in that chair and it helped a great deal. You were all there supporting me in conquering my fear and getting through something so scary. So, thank you so much.

When you are faced with something fearful in your life and recovery, reach out to your supports for help. Share your fears and/or thoughts with others and the support will come to you with love. You guys did it for me and others will do it for you.

Make it a short term recovery goal for this week. Commit to reach out to supports to help conquer a fear you have. Whether it be going to the store with you, eating a new food with you, cooking with you, giving you advice, lending a ear, crying with you..…whatever it may be that you need.

Fears can be conquered with the strength inside of us and the help around us. Stay strong and Believe! Freedom can be yours!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Fear—The Dentist

2010-10-25T08:27:00.001-04:00

Last week I was eating dinner and a quarter of my back tooth broke. I could feel the shards of teeth against my tongue as panic set in. I couldn’t believe my tooth just broke. My first thought was “With all that I have going on, I don’t need this right now”. Nonetheless I made an appointment with my dentist to get it checked out. I was hoping for the best.

I went to the dentist a few days later and received some unsettling and scary news (to me it was). I was told my tooth was broken so far down to my bone and it has decay at the root (thanks ED..ugh) that there is no way to save this tooth. I would have to get it pulled and then get an implant. My dentist said the tooth had to come out ASAP. I began to cry right there in the dentist chair. I was sobbing as complete fear and panic set in. The dentist is a huge fear of mine and the thought of getting a tooth pulled and a screw put in my jaw was not making me happy. Plus the thousands of dollars it was cost was getting me anxious. It took me awhile to calm down.

As the day(s) passed my fear and anxiety grew as the thought of the oral surgeon was in my mind. As I sat with the fear a thought came over me. When I was on the recovery path, I was faced with one fear after another. Fear of trust, fear of change, fear of food, fear of being alone, fear of becoming and having nothing , fear of being normal and so on. Despite all those fears, I was able to overcome them all to find the freedom that I live with today. (which you can have too)

So I decided to take my fear that is inside and work with it. I am journaling about my anxiety and fear, I am deep breathing and meditating to help calm me, I am using supports to help sustain me, I am saying positive affirmations and doing positive self talk all to help me work through the fear and overcome it. I got through the fear of leaving ED and I can get through the fear of what’s to come with the dentist.

So tomorrow (Tuesday at 3:45pm EST) I will lie in that dentist chair, breath deep, meditate and do some positive self talk (all with my eyes closed) as they extract the broken tooth. After the extraction, my fear and problem tooth will be gone and conquered……and that is a positive.

So, know that whatever fear you are faced with in your recovery or life, you have the strength and ability and choice to get through it. Continue to push forward as with each fear you conquer and overcome, freedom will be yours. I promise!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Feelings and Strength can co-exist

2010-10-18T08:37:00.002-04:00

This purpose of this blog is for reassurance. Reassurance in the fact that you can feel and be strong at the same time. Let me tell you where there is coming from. Over the past few days I was talking to two different people at two different times and I was crying to each one of them as I was feeling very sad about something. When I was expressing my emotions, the response they both told me was “Cheryl you need to be strong, come on now”. I was a bit annoyed at what they said but understood that they might find it difficult to express themselves so I didn’t take offense for they were replying to how they function in life for them. However, I wanted to let them know my position so I replied back “I can feel and be strong at the same time”.

I am here to remind you that feeling feelings is great work and such a gift and just because you are feeling certain feelings, whether they be sadness, loneliness or fear you can at the same time be strong. Feeling feelings does not mean you are weak. It does mean you are strong and actually you are getting stronger with each feeling you feel, accept and experience.

Yes, it can be very overwhelming to feel but feeling is what recovery gives us and it is something that strengthens our beliefs, our soul and our heart to help us move forward. Feeling feelings makes us stronger in life and in our recovery.

So rest assured you are strong when you feel so don’t let anyone (including ED) tell you any different. Ones that do are perhaps shy about showing or expressing feelings themselves. Know in your heart that feeling is moving you forward to a stronger, healthier and happier recovered you! How do you feel today?

With health and hope,
Cheryl

NEDA

2010-10-12T10:47:00.001-04:00

This past weekend I went to the NEDA conference in New York and met some great people with wonderful stories and passion. The workshops were educational and informative. It was nice to connect with new peeps from all over and see some old friends as well.

I am so blessed in this world of recovery and it is wonderful to feel the power in numbers and the energy we all emulate. Banding together to help those suffering is powerful and I take it on with pride, energy, determination, respect, strength and honor.

I am blessed to be on the other side and am here to remind you that YOU CAN find freedom too. Recovery does happen; I am proof and you are no different than me…YOU CAN RECOVER TOO. Disobey ED and fight!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

The Plan

2010-10-04T09:20:00.000-04:00

I had many things I needed to get done for a specific project. I made a plan on what to do and when to do it. As the days went on my anxiety level increased as I thought about the plan and what needed to get done. I thought, how can I get everything done…will I have the time…will it work out….did I make the right choices…..should I change anything? I thought a few times about changing my plan as doubt crept in. As I sat and thought about my plan it reminded me how it relates to recovery and how I needed to stick to what I set up.

In my recovery, I made a meal plan (according to my nutritionist –with extra fear food) for a few days in a row so the anxiety of figuring out what to have and fighting with ED wouldn’t come into play. Even though I made a plan, ED still chimed in and tried to cast doubt over the choices I made and began telling me all sorts of negative things about my plan, my recovery, my choices and myself. I had to fight him off and decide right then if I continue to follow plan (recovery) or follow him. To find freedom was to follow recovery….which I did. I disobeyed ED. (yes, it is hard but not impossible…you can do it)

So as I struggled with the plan I put in place for this project I was working on, I thought back to those times of doubt way back then when ED spoke to me and realized Hey wait…..I was confident in the plan I put in place and I needed to stick to plan and not falter. So, I didn’t let my anxiety get the best of me. I stuck to plan and the project went off without a hitch. I followed the path to reach the goal.

So as you make meal plan or a plan to accomplish recovery goals, be confident in them and don’t be swayed by ED telling you lies and casting doubt over you. Stick to the plan you have in place, which is following recovery and as you put this to practice, the freedom you so deserve will be shown to you and most importantly felt. Your strength will deepen as you move forward down your recovery path. Stay strong and stick to plan.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Go ahead and ask.....

2010-09-27T12:05:00.000-04:00

Support is essential to recovery. Support can come from your treatment team, family and friends. Is it hard to ask for help, of course it is but it is something that will be beneficial to you and your recovery.

When we are with ED, he convinces us that we only need him. He promises we will be fine together, without anyone else involved. He isolates us. In doing so, when we feel the need to reach out for support on our journey to recovery, it is more difficult. We feel like we are bothering someone, like we don’t deserve the help, like we don’t want to let them down if we ask for help. There are many reasons that play into us not asking but this is where we need to push aside our fears and negative thoughts and ask anyway. If a friend or family member asked us for help, we would help without question or judgment. That is how others look at us; without judgment and the wanting to help us. Whether it be a friend to talk to, a treatment team member to confide in or a family member to bounce something off of, they are willing to help us if we ask.

During our journey we need help along the way to guide us and keep us strong. To this day, I continue to seek out the support of my team, friends and family when I am in need. Sure it was hard in the beginning and I didn’t feel like I deserved it but as I practiced asking, it got easier. Now, I have no problem asking for help and people are more than willing. It makes them feel good to help out a friend. We both benefit.

Make it a recovery goal for this week to reach out to a support and ask for help. They can lend an ear, they can help you prepare your meals, they can eat with you, they can laugh with you or whatever your need is for support. Know they are there for you. You deserve the support you seek. Take the step, push the fear and negative thoughts aside and speak the words. You will be amazed at the relief, hope and strength it gives you. Go ahead and ask…..

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Strapped In

2010-09-20T09:13:00.000-04:00

Currently I have a lot on my plate (forgive the pun) so I didn’t need to add another thing to it, however, last week I was involved in a car accident. I was at a complete stop and the car behind me didn’t stop and instead smashed into me. Not only did he hit me, my vehicle was only 1 week old. So needless to say, I was not happy that I just got hit.

As I sat in the driver’s seat stunned and then feeling a bit angry and deflated as to why this is happening to me, I began to get overwhelmed and scared. My brand new Jeep was damaged and now my body was hurting me from the impact. The police and rescue came as I was taken to the hospital to be checked out. (I’m ok)

As I was strapped to the backboard with a neck brace and such on, I lied motionless as I was confined and a prisoner to the board. I was trapped and wanted to be free. Free of the embrace of the straps and free of the pain I was in. As I lied there, I thought about the similarities of this and being with ED.

When I was with ED, I felt trapped and held down. (just like the backboard in the hospital) ED’s grip was strong and pulled me in each time I tried to move. I wanted to be free of the pain I was in and feel the freedom everyone was talking about. I felt secure in his grip at times that it was so hard to imagine not feeling that way. It was my automatic….BUT I wanted to be free.

So like being on that backboard, I had to be patient, gain my strength and do what the team of professionals were telling me to do in order to be free….free from the backboard and back then free from ED. I began to disobey ED at every turn, nourish myself with food and drink, practice self care, practice my recovery tools, reached out for the support of family and friends, went to my outpatient appointments and never lost the determination and hope that lived inside my heart. In doing these things, ED’s hold on me loosened as I was able to breathe and move about. I was able to walk and think on my own without his constant banter. As time went on, I was soon free from the pain and torture that I always endured.

So if you feel trapped and are in pain from ED’s grip, free yourself. Follow the steps of recovery and know that with each step you take, ED’s grip will loosen and in time you will be free to live and experience life in a whole new light. You will see in color and the view is amazing. No pain and no torture; just pure freedom. Un-strap yourself….Let the release begin!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Change

2010-09-13T10:23:00.000-04:00

Change can be a very frightening thing. The fear of it all can be paralyzing and can bring up all sorts of emotions that can put our mind into a tailspin. Even though change may be difficult, it is a necessary part of life and helps us grow as individuals. Whether the change is for the good or for the bad, we work through it and gain strength on the other side. We evolve.

When we are with ED, ED doesn’t want us to change. He wants us to stay with him, do as he says and listen to him and him only. When we begin to listen to our team and loved ones and follow recovery, things begin to change and ED doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like it because he is losing control, we are gaining control and we are changing the make-up of the relationship….change…it’s even scary for ED.

Changing our behaviors is frightening because it is what we are comfortable with and it is what we know. We aren’t sure what to expect, what will happen to us or what we will become. Changing though, is what will give us strength and the power to show us what can happen and who we are….all good things because ED isn’t involved.

So whether the change in your life is an ED behavior, a life style change, a job change, a family change…whatever the change is, face that change with recovery by your side, a brave face, a strong sense of self, a determined will and know it will only make you stronger and will help you find your true self. Reach out and discover!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Self Care

2010-09-07T08:39:00.000-04:00

When we are with ED it is difficult to care for ourselves. It is difficult to see positives and it is difficult to have self love. Caring for ourselves from the inside out, both mind and body, can be a challenge as ED is loud and overpowering. It may be a challenge, but not it’s not impossible.

In the various stages of recovery it is important to practice self care. Self care is an important aspect in the process of recovery. I personally LOVE self care. It took a long time for me to delve into it as I always thought (brainwashed by ED) that I didn’t deserve the pleasure of any of it or the worth of spending money on myself. However, I pushed ED aside, disobeyed him and practiced self care and felt the feelings that came with it all. In doing so is what got me to the place of now loving self care.

The self care I practice helps me get in tune with my body and mind, relaxes me and gives me pleasures of feeling good about myself from the inside out. Some of the things that I do for self care are: body massages, scalp massages, warm baths with candles, facials, manicure, pedicure, yoga and meditation. Any time I can practice self care I do. It enhances my recovery and enhances goodness inside my soul.

So as you move through your journey of recovery, practice self care. Push aside the possible uncomfortable and non deserving feelings and move forward into the practice of doing. Like recovery, with practice you too will begin to love self care. Make an appointment for something as it is a step forward to finding freedom. Enjoy!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Curve Balls

2010-08-30T09:25:00.001-04:00

Life pulls you in many directions and throws you curve balls that can send your mind and heart into a tail spin. Do we like it when things feel out of our control…no, of course not. Do we like it when we are feeling pain deep down or frustration at the forefront…no, of course not. Even though our life is faced with many challenges and feelings it is all a gift. A gift that helps us grow and get stronger……stronger within ourselves and stronger in our recovery. Even with life happening, recovery must remain a priority.

When we are with ED, our growth is stunted, our feelings are numb and our love for our self is overshadowed by ED’s presence. However, when we disobey ED, nourish ourselves and follow the path of recovery all begins to heal. We begin to gain strength, we begin to grow and we begin to find love for our self within. We get stronger and grow as “us” with each bite we take and each recovery tool we do and each feeling we feel. The strength and growth recovery gives us helps us blossom into a beautiful flower and stand tall and with that the sun shines on us.

No matter what life throws at you be sure you keep your recovery your priority. In doing so, you will grow, gain strength, love yourself and will find freedom. Feelings won’t kill us but ED can. Life is life full of challenges, feelings and wonder…..live it all with recovery by your side. Grow and gain strength….enjoy the ride. Stay strong and Believe.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Open Mind and Willingness

2010-08-23T07:59:00.001-04:00

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of working with Thom Rutledge at his Beyond Eating Disorders Retreat in Tennessee. As you know Thom was my therapist and I have had the pleasure to work beside him at his last few retreats and again in his upcoming one in October. (which I mentioned last blog and highly encourage you to attend).

At this retreat I was amazed at the courage, strength and willingness that each woman had. They all showed up with an open mind and open heart; which is essential to grow and move forward. They took in the words of wisdom that was given and let it work for them in that moment. They felt feelings, expressed feelings, nourished themselves, made connections…with themselves and others and were wide open to what was happening.

Having an open mind and open heart and willingness is a great gift you can give yourself when it comes to your recovery. You must be willing to take advice, put action to it, express and feel. All of these things are essential to help you move forward and strengthen your recovery.

Check in with yourself to see if your heart and mind are open to accept what is being offered to help you find freedom. Be true to your recovery and continue to fight and work hard for the freedom you deserve. Being open in mind, body and spirit will be challenging but in the end very rewarding for yourself and your recovery. Open yourself up, take a risk and Believe! Stay strong.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Beyond Eating Disorders Workshop -- Discount until August 20th!!!

2010-08-16T08:40:00.002-04:00

Hi Everyone:

As I have mentioned in the past, I work with Thom Rutledge at his Beyond Eating Disorder Workshops in Tenneseee. Doing so is full circle for me as Thom was my therapist and he and his workshop was instrumental in my recovery. Word cannot describe the feeling you get from attending his workshops. He is a genius and the power, knowledge, strength, hope, connections and friends you make is beyond amazing. It truly is a life alterting workshop that will change you and your recovery...for the better.

Thom's next workshop is (Fri - Sun) October 29 -31 in Cumberland Furnace, Tennessee. (You fly into Nashville airport) He is running a 20% discount off the cost of the workshop as well as a reduced deposit. The cost of the workshop until this Friday, August 20th is $950 with a deposit of only $300. This cost includes transportation to the retreat from the aiport, all meals and snacks, lodging and materials. It is worth every cent and it is a weekend you will never forget. It will transform you and your recovery. I invite you all to sign up and come. I will be there and I invite you to come along...I would love to meet you.

To sign up call Lizzy Curtis at Onsite at 800-341-7432 or email her at lizzy@onsiteworkshops.com Remember, the deal is only good until Friday, August 20th....don't delay sign up today. You deserve it.

See you in October!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Skipping, what? No way!

2010-08-09T09:05:00.001-04:00

“I don’t feel like eating.” “I’m not hungry”, “I’m too busy to eat” are some things that you could say during your recovery. You may say them and follow them thinking you are learning and practicing intuitive eating and listening to your body. Don’t be fooled.

In early and mid recovery these thoughts may come into your head, especially if you are going through some trying times and feelings or busy at work. Know that it is ED trying to manipulate the situation and your recovery and get you to follow him. Nothing good can come of out of you skipping a meal or snack. That behavior is ED and not recovery.

This is where you must eat no matter what…no excuses. You need to keep your body and brain nourished so they can learn to work together and keep you healthy. Even if you aren’t hungry, you must eat anyway. If you are busy, you must fit food into your day. Recovery needs to be your priority. Skipping is ED and that won’t get you the freedom you deserve and seek.

Stay strong in those moments ED tries to convince you to follow him. Keep focused on the recovery goal and stick to your recovery and meal plan. No matter what your day brings, food always needs to be a part of it. By doing so, it will keep you healthy and set you free.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Curve Balls

2010-08-02T11:33:00.001-04:00

One day your life can seem great and the next day feel like it’s falling apart. These feelings and life’s curveballs can happen at any time, any season and sometimes without warning. We can’t control life’s events and other’s actions but we can control our reactions to it all and our recovery path.

When faced with strong feelings of perhaps sadness, fear or guilt, don’t retreat to ED’s world for comfort, go to recovery’s. The world of recovery can help you through those feelings and keep you away from ED so darkness doesn’t take over. It’s important to remember that feelings do pass but if we choose to seek out ED, then he can kill us. Even though it is very hard, feeling feelings is what is normal and needed for a fulfilling and balanced life and recovery gives that to us.

So practice your recovery tools of journaling, calling a friend, arts and crafts, reaching out for support, music, pets, family, crying, yoga, meditation, holding ice, calming scents, praying and lots more. Doing these tools will help you through the difficult feelings and keep you focused on the path of recovery. The tools, along with you disobeying ED and nourishing yourself, keep you on the recovery path and will help you feel better….and will give you freedom. Stay strong and whenever a curve ball is thrown your way, catch it and throw it back, don’t let it knock you down. Keep fighting; you can do it.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Practice

2010-07-26T09:08:00.001-04:00

I belong to a fun team activity that requires a weekly practice. We have practice for two hours going over moves, steps and the routine. We tweak things here and there and figure out what works and what doesn’t to ensure that we continue to make progress and forge ahead to our goal.

My weekly practice is like recovery….recovery takes practice. Recovery doesn’t just happen overnight and recovery isn’t perfect, nothing is perfect. It takes us doing recovery tool after tool to determine what helps us choose a healthy behavior over an ED one. Everything gets better with practice and so does recovery. It will get easier as you stay committed, practice doing and move forward.

Don’t give up. Keep your head held high, disobey ED, do your tools and know that with practice you will reach your goal of freedom from ED. Nothing worthwhile comes without doing the work. Keep fighting and believe in yourself and your recovery. You can do it.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Unconditional Love

2010-07-19T09:22:00.000-04:00

Every day I come home from my day and walk up the stairs from the garage and enter my kitchen. As I open the door, I am bombarded by two four legged love bugs! The run up to me, wag their tails and give me kisses all over. My dogs love me no matter what. They give me love and affection that fills my heart with joy. This is true unconditional love. A love that has no judgment….it’s just pure.

Unconditional love, like my dogs have for me, is something that we deserve to give our self and something that comes with Recovery. When we are with ED, we find it hard to love ourselves. We love ED, who is our whole world, and that seems enough. However, that is the part that is killing us.

When we follow recovery and leave ED, our heart, mind and soul are open and in tune to our authentic self. We begin to figure out who we are, what we like, what we don’t like etc. Most importantly, we begin to love our self without judgment and accept who we are. It’s an amazing feeling to have unconditional love for yourself. Something that once seemed so unreachable…not with recovery.

So as you begin your day, Disobey ED and fight him off. Utilize tools to help you through like journaling, music, arts and crafts, calling a friend or positive self talk. Push ED aside so you can begin to feel and see You. Give yourself a hug and appreciate who you are. Look in the mirror and tell yourself “I love you”. You are worth it and you deserve love…..from others and from yourself.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Making Memories our way, not ED's.

2010-07-12T08:28:00.002-04:00

As you know, I am a hospice volunteer. Recently my patient, Louisa, passed away. I have been seeing her since January and we became very close. She was 92, very spry and very alert until the very end. She loved each moment and reminisced about her early days with her family and friends. She made me smile and I made her smile. I will miss her.

As I sit here, I think about her telling me stories about her younger years, about times with her family and friends and the fun and freedom she had in living. When she would tell me these things, she would smile from ear to ear and I would listen intently on what she was saying for it was very interesting and made me chuckle. We both laughed at her stories.

When we are with ED, memories like the ones Louisa told me don’t happen. We don’t feel anything or have any emotion or fun. We isolate to be with ED and listen to what he instructs us to do, what to eat, how to feel and so on. We let ED make our memories and the memories he gives us are not ones we want to have….and not what we deserve.

Take control of making your own memories and follow recovery. By following recovery and leaving ED behind, you can make wonderful memories that brighten your world and let you see and feel in color. With recovery life is full of friends, dreams, vision, color, love, freedom and memories. All memories without ED and all ones we want to hold on to and remember….and one’s we deserve.

Disobey ED, follow recovery and let your life begin to make the memories that you will want to share with your friends and family. Recovery happens!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Independence Day

2010-07-05T10:17:00.002-04:00

Independence Day is a great day to (re)commit to you and your recovery and say good bye to ED for good. Independence Day is a day that celebrates Independence and Freedom....two things that recovery gives you.

Make this day a memorable one...the day you reclaimed your Independence and your Freedom from ED. Take back your life and begin to see the beauty that it has in store for you. The Fireworks of magnificent color represent the life, opportunitites, memories, self-love, freedom and dreams that will come as you begin to follow recovery. Begin to see the grand nature of it all....it CAN BE YOURS.

Happy "Independence" Day! Believe.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Graduation and Recovery

2010-06-28T08:49:00.002-04:00

Last week I went to my nephew’s 5th Grade graduation. It was a joyous occasion. He looked so proud and handsome as he sat a few rows ahead of us with his tie on and friends all around. He is so excited to make the next step into Middle School and begin to move into his teen years.

As I sat in the audience, a proud Auntie, the principal of the school spoke a few words before the diplomas and awards were handed out. As he spoke, he told the kids that with hard work, commitment and a positive attitude, they could accomplish anything. The minute he said those words I immediately said to myself….just like recovery!

In order to find freedom from ED, you do need show commitment, hard work and a positive attitude. Recovery doesn’t just happen, you have to work for it and have the attitude behind it. Also, just like my nephew making the next step to middle school, recovery has many steps as well and all of them (even backwards steps) will bring you further from ED and closer to freedom. Just like school….learn something from each step.

So, make the choice and commitment to fight for yourself and your recovery and reach for something you deserve…freedom. Make a plan, take the steps and in time you will be free. Remain positive in the process, even when it gets tough. Don’t back down and let ED win. With hard work, commitment and a positive attitude you can accomplish anything. Graduation to freedom is yours for the taking!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

I want a break….NOT!

2010-06-21T10:07:00.000-04:00

I was at work this week and had a few projects on my desk at the same time. I was working on a couple at a time and they each had deadlines. With a big sigh, I said to myself “I need a break, I’ve been working hard.” After I had that thought, visions of my recovery journey came into play.

When I began the recovery process, I was working so hard. I was going to my appointments, eating my meal plan, working through feelings, practicing my recovery tools, going to workshops and much more. It was exhausting. I was tired and felt overworked. Recovery seemed so hard and at times I felt like I was getting nowhere and was never going to recover. It seemed much easier to go back to ED so I could find peace. What I had to remember is that staying with ED does not bring peace.

So during a phone session with Thom, (one of) my therapists, I was telling (complaining and giving excuses was more like it) him how tired I was and how I needed a break. I told him I deserve one since I was working so hard. He then told me something that was eye opening. He said “Cheryl, there are NO Breaks In Recovery. Recovery is full time and will be worth it.” He said don’t let ED trick you into thinking you need a break…don’t’ fall for it…..stay strong and follow the recovery path.

Thom was right, I couldn’t let up and follow ED even just for a meal or a day or two just because I was tired and emotional. Anything you have to work for is worth it and recovery is worth it. He assured me that if I kept going that all this hard work would pay off and I would reap the benefits of this struggle…..and he was right!

So if you find yourself tired from following recovery, don’t take a break, work harder and push through. Taking a break and going to ED, even just once, will not get you freedom. That is keeping you in ED’s grip and that is not recovery. Recovery will set you free. Remember, there are no breaks in recovery. Recovery Happens!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

A weekend in Dallas!

2010-06-15T08:51:00.002-04:00

So I just returned last night from a long weekend in Dallas, Texas visiting a friend. As always, we had a great time. I still get amazed and can’t believe at times how wonderful being free from ED really is. I never imagined that I would be in this place because of how intertwined and attached I was to ED. My life revolved around ED and food and Freedom seemed so untouchable and foreign to me. Not now.

When I was with ED, ED told me and I felt I didn’t deserve things. Whether it be love, material things, time to myself or a weekend away. Because I follow recovery, I can go away to visit a friend and feel I do deserve it. I deserve the time away from the stresses of life to have some fun and relax. I deserve to spend the money on myself and make memories.

Following recovery also gave me the ability this weekend to try new restaurants, open up about feelings, experience new things, laugh, make new memories, put on a bathing suit and lay in the pool (got burnt…ouch). All things that were impossible when I was with ED. ED wouldn’t allow it. Not now.

Recovery allows you to feel life and experience it through a whole new lense. I know right now you may not understand or can even vision the things recovery “will” give you for ED clouds your vision. Wipe away his smear in front of your eyes and look through my glasses. I speak the truth when I say you CAN have freedom, you CAN silence ED, you DO deserve to be happy.

Continue to disobey ED--always, follow your meal plan, go to your appointments, experience feelings in a healthy way and try new things. Trust and believe in yourself and in something you can’t see for it will happen….a life freedom will be yours. Don’t give up!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Guilt

2010-06-07T09:26:00.002-04:00

This past week I was under the weather for a few days. I’m fortunate that I don’t get sick often but nonetheless, I was still irritated I was sick. I was busy that week and couldn’t afford to get sick. I had other emotions surface as I found myself facing to care for myself unexpectedly. I felt a lot of guilt. Guilt because I was missing meetings at work; guilt because I missed my nieces last softball game and guilt because I missed my nephews baseball game. I felt like a horrible employee and a bad Aunt. I was all worked up because I couldn’t be where I needed and wanted to be. I wasn’t available and I didn’t like it.

To help me with the guilt, I knew I needed to feel it, accept it and let it go or it would hold me back and continue to make me sick. So I used positive self talk. Each time a thought of guilt would come into play, I would come back with a positive line about caring for myself and doing what I need to in order to get better. If I wasn’t healthy, I couldn’t help others (or myself) so I had to remember that. I also wrote down 10 positive messages. 5 positive messages on how I was a great aunt and what I have given and gotten from my niece and nephew and the other 5 messages were on how I was a great employee and what I have given and gotten from my job. In doing this, it reaffirmed that I am a good person, worthy, important and people love me and have nothing to feel guilty about. It helped me work through the guilt because when I saw it in written word it helped make it a reality. I said it to myself over and over throughout the few days. I was then able to accept the feelings I was having, work through them and then let them go. I also did some deep breathing and meditation to help with my frustration, irritation and anxiousness.

Not only was I flat in bed or on the couch, I also made sure I nourished myself. (even when I didn’t feel like eating, I did it anyway) Caring for myself by resting and nourishing would help me stay on the recovery path…in both recovery from being sick and recovery from ED.

Feelings can come up when we least expect them and come out of the blue. Acknowledge them, accept them and then let them go. Don’t use them as an excuse not to care for yourself (health or ED recovery wise). Continue to follow recovery and practice self care. Doing so will give you strength and confidence. I thank recovery for allowing me to face my guilt and work through it. Even though I was sick and needed to care for myself, I could see that I am a good employee and a good Aunt and recovery helped me see that….helped me feel that. Follow recovery, it will never let you down!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Push Through The Pain!

2010-06-01T08:53:00.001-04:00

Every Wednesday evening I go to yoga. Yoga helps me center myself, relieves stress, strengthens my body and helps me appreciate, love and respect my body. I love it very much. This past week our teacher incorporated a new pose into the mix (the Frog). As I got into the pose and began to breath, an uncomfortable feeling overcame me. I was in a bit of pain and wanted to stop. However, I stood my ground, continued to deep breath and felt the feeling for I knew if I gave it some time, the outcome would be beneficial….and it was. My body felt great after the pose and it opened up my body in ways like never before.

There were times in my recovery that I was faced with pain…..alot of it! The pain of eating and the pain of facing feelings that were so vivid, fearful and unknown. I wanted to run back to ED because the pain was so bad and I didn’t know what to do about it. I cried a lot. I wanted it to go away and I wanted comfort. What I had to remember is that going with ED would not bring me comfort, it would only bring me pain…a pain that would last.

Working through the pain I was in and following recovery would turn the pain into freedom. I had to remember that no matter how much pain I was in, I needed to continue to follow recovery and know that the feelings would pass and I would get through it ….if I disobeyed ED…..and it worked. I used various tools to help me through the pain all the while eating my meal and doing zero negative behaviors. It took time, patience and commitment but in the end feeling the pain and working through it gave me a feeling that I never want to be without….freedom!

When you are face with pain in your recovery and want to run back to ED….don’t! Stay committed to the recovery process and to yourself and follow recovery. Know that by feeling and working through the pain, recovery will give you great things. Things that will fulfill your dreams. Running to ED to take away the pain won’t do so, it will only bring you backwards and will keep you in pain. Fight for yourself and fight for your freedom. Don’t give up and don’t give in….freedom CAN be YOURS!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Bring on dessert….yummy!

2010-05-24T13:13:00.002-04:00

We just had my family over our house to celebrate my niece’s birthday. We had a great day filled with laughs, food and fun. After lunch we cleaned up the kitchen and chatted about the upcoming week and on-going’s with the kids and their activities.

Soon thereafter, it was time for dessert. (yummy…my favorite) We had plenty of items to choose from. As we all sat around the table picking what we wanted (me choosing more than one thing), my niece and I were having fun piling things up on our plate and giggling. We commented on how we chose the same stuff and how yummy it was.

It was at that moment, my heart filled with even more gratitude it has for recovery. I looked around and took that moment in close to my heart. There I was with my family, enjoying the moment without anxiety, eating what I wanted and having more than one dessert with my niece and loving every second of it without pain, guilt or anguish. It was pure happiness and freedom.

That feeling of gratitude stayed with me for the rest of the afternoon and evening and I went to bed with my heart filled with thanks for how far I have come and for what I have. Recovery has given me so much. It’s a reminder of my saying: ED Takes and Recovery Gives.

When you are faced with dessert (or another fear food), face the fear, disobey ED and eat it…. and enjoy every bite….no guilt or judgment allowed. Remember, no food is bad food….all food is allowed and ok. Know with each bite you are gaining strength, moving toward freedom and learning to live life without ED in it. Take your control back and fight…you CAN do it!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Balance

2010-05-17T09:22:00.001-04:00

Life is about balance. Balance between work and fun; keeping things in check and making sure you don’t get run down. We need to practice self-care and be sure we take care of ourselves in body, mind and spirit.

When we are with ED, balance is not achievable. The scale is tipped to ED’s side and his side alone. We look to ED for direction and acceptance. We are with him and him alone. There is no fun, there is no nourishment of mind and body, there is no happiness, there is no self-care, there are no dreams….there is zero balance.

Following recovery brings balance back into your life. You have the strength, desire, health, dreams, drive and will to bring balance to your life and care for your needs. To add fun into a work week, to add self-care into your day, to join an activity, to get a new job, to help someone in need….all of it can be done by following recovery. Balance is key.

Between my full-time job, all my volunteering and my ED recovery work, I wanted to be sure I could add some balance of off-the-cuff fun into the mix of my life…..so I did that two weeks ago. I now have a fun weekly activity I attend. I’ve met new friends and get excited to go. I can mentally and physically do it and balance out my life between work and fun…..all thanks to recovery. Disobey ED, follow recovery and find balance.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Think Positive

2010-05-10T09:22:00.003-04:00

As you may know, I am a hospice volunteer. I see my patient every Tuesday after work. When I went to see her this past week, I walked in and she was in her chair, leaning back with her hands folded on her belly while sleeping. I took a seat in my chair across from her and put my bag quietly down on the floor.

The room was quiet and I could hear her breath move in and out. It was soothing. I sat in that chair and accepted the gift of me time to reflect and just be. I looked at my patient and reflected on her journey in life. I am amazed by her courage and positive attitude during this last chapter of her life.

A positive attitude is a choice and choice is a treasure we should not take lightly. We have the power of choice; to choose which path we will follow and choose which attitude we will have. My patient chooses to live her life full of the positives even though she is dying. We have a choice of how we will live right up until our last days.

Before recovery, I was with ED. I followed his lead and listened to his words. By doing so, it didn’t bring me happiness or freedom or give me a positive outlook, it only brought darkness and despair. Until one day I chose to follow recovery and leave the darkness behind. It was not easy but it is possible…..possible to have a positive outlook and a positive thought (along with action) that brings about freedom.

As I sat there, in the now, with my patient, I quietly thanked her under my breath for reminding me of the positive’s and the gift and power of choice. When you wake up each morning and are blessed to open your eyes to a new day, what choices will you make and where will they lead you? Think positive and choose recovery!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

My Body Mantra-- Featured in Weightless

2010-05-03T10:14:00.003-04:00

Happy Monday everyone!

Margarita Tartakovsky, MS from PsychCentral has a blog about body image entitled Weightless. This week she highlights my "Body Mantra" in her blog. As you know my body mantra is a mantra song I made up to help me with my bad body image and is a chapter in my book, Telling ED NO! which you can purchase on Amazon. Check out Margarita's blog and my mantra.

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/weightless/2010/05/boost-your-body-image-with-a-mantra/

Have a great week.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

The Many Faces of ED

2010-04-26T09:44:00.002-04:00

As I drove around going here and going there getting things I needed done, the weather changed with each stop I made. It went from being sunny, to rain and sleet and then to hail. I was amazed at all the various changes I experienced throughout my day.

As I went through all the changes in weather, it reminded me of the different faces and personalities of ED and how they affected me, just like the weather was doing. In one moment ED would be all cheery and tell me how great I was doing; in the next breath he would show his mean side and tell me what I needed to fix and how bad I was doing and then in another breath he was talking to me in a smooth caring voice, like he cared about me and cared about what was happening to me. (LIE)

ED had many faces and I never knew which one I was going to see and experience. I had to be prepared and at the ready to see what I would be faced with and what I needed to do. Not now.........Following recovery has showed me how to deal with the many faces and personalities of ED. It has showed me how to fight ED and take the upper hand and push ED away. It has shown me that I don’t need ED to live.

Recovery has shown and given ME MY real personality and has taken away ED’s. I no longer have to be on guard or at the ready for what ED dishes out. I’m in control now and I determine how I will deal with all the changes I am faced with, not ED. Stick with recovery and you too will be able to face all the changes you come up against as you move through your day of going here and going there. With recovery, anything is possible.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Slower than expected

2010-04-19T12:49:00.002-04:00

I went away for the weekend to see some friends in Maine. I was so excited to see them and spend time with them as I hadn't seen them in many months. I planned on leaving after work on Friday and heading up. As it turned out, I had to work late Friday and left later than I anticipated.

As I made my way onto the highway, I was faced with traffic. I drove miles and miles all under 25 miles per hour. I was frustrated and irritated as I just wanted to hurry up and get there. I hated the fact that I was going slower than I wanted. My patience was wearing thin as I drove slowly mile after mile.

As I drove, I noticed how I was feeling and tuned into on why I was feeling that way. It then made me realize that I felt this same way in recovery and how I had to learn to be patient then. When I began my recovery, I was in a hurry to recover already. I wanted the process to move along quickly so I would be done with it all. I had to learn that recovery didn't happen overnight and I had to be patient and take the process one bite at a time and in doing so I would conquer ED and gain the freedom I so deserved. A huge lesson that was hard to learn but one that was necessary for success.

Like recovery, I had to learn to be patient on my drive up to Maine. I needed to go at the slow pace and know that in time I would get to where I was headed. Patience and time, a necessity in many aspects of life.

As you move along in your journey of recovery, take a deep breath and know that with patience and time you WILL conquer ED and you will find the freedom you so deserve. Enjoy the ride and take recovery along with you, not ED. His direction will not get you to the place you need to go.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Fulfilling Dreams

2010-04-12T12:01:00.000-04:00

When I was with ED, I didn’t have any dreams or goals. My main concentration was ED and ED alone. I listened to what he told me; I did what he said and I didn’t ask questions. I let ED plan my life for me and followed his path. I didn’t know at the time that he was killing me and taking away everything from me. I was too brainwashed to see clearly.

When I made the “choice” to follow recovery (recovery is a choice and you have that power), I committed to do what I needed to recover. I wanted to be able to have dreams and goals that didn’t include ED. I wanted a life of freedom. So I did what my treatment team said and followed the path of recovery. (hard but achievable)

As time went on, my brain and body became healthy and things began changing in my life. I could see in color and I began to envision a life without ED and began to dream. I dreamt of writing a book, I dreamt of speaking engagements, I dreamt of being a role model, I dreamt of making a difference.

Because of recovery all of those dreams I had have come and are coming true for me. I can do all of the things I dream because I am healthy in mind, body and soul because of recovery. I am free….free to do what I want. The sky is the limit. I am in control and I have the power. I am no longer a prisoner. I am not held back in darkness…I only see light. All of it because I follow recovery.

Follow recovery and you too will see in color; will see the light; will have and reach your dreams and find the freedom you so richly deserve. Stay strong and know you CAN beat ED. Recovery (and your dreams) are there for the taking ….reach out, grab it and don’t let go!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Live to the Fullest....

2010-04-05T11:19:00.001-04:00

This past week two of my friends each lost a parent. It was a sad week; death is hard. It brings me back to reflect that life is short and we should live each day to the fullest. Live each day like it was your last and have no regrets as each day passes. Be free and strong in your choices and feel all that is going on around you and embrace it all, experience it all.

Being with ED, doesn’t give us the ability to live free or live in the now. We can’t live life to the fullest with ED. ED keeps us close to him, keeps us isolated and keeps our emotions muffled….we are prisoners….we are not free to experience life and all it has to offer. Being with ED is not living….it is dying.

By living in recovery you can live in the present…in the now…and experience all that life throws at you during a day….the good and the bad. (and respond in a healthy way… not going to ED) You can feel the emotions that each day brings and live your life doing what YOU choose to do, with no regrets. In recovery, you can live life to the fullest. You can feel, experience, love, dream and live.

Follow the path of recovery and live….for living (without ED) will set you free. Fly!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Telling ED NO! and Beyond Eating Disorders Retreat

2010-03-29T09:57:00.005-04:00

Hello everyone....

I hope you are doing well. I wanted to share a few things with you. First, I wanted to let you know that my book, Telling ED NO! has been published and is now available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and other online retailers. I am excited and hope you all enjoy it.

Here's a small blurb about it:

With more than 100 practical tools to help you conquer your eating disorder and find freedom, Telling ED NO! is a unique, accessible survivor’s guide.
Using inspiring real-life stories, Cheryl presents over 100 practical recovery tools as well as exercises and questions designed to encourage journaling and discussion that will help you navigate your path to recovery.
Full of raw emotion, tough decisions, fears, and triumphs, Telling ED NO! will help you learn to incorporate food, laughter, and love back into your daily life one step at a time.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1449092454/ref=s9_simh_gw_p14_i1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=178MRN1AS08VF5VWWHGJ&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=470938631&pf_rd_i=507846

NEXT, I wanted to let you all know that Thom Rutledge has asked me again to be an intern at his Beyond Eating Disorders Retreat in July. I am so honored and excited to be back with him. His workshop provides so much strength, courage and hope. It is truly life changing. You and your recovery deserve it so I invite you all to sign up. Speaking of that.......there is a discount going on through March 31st. It is $950 for the workshop (meals, lodging, transportation, materials) and only a $300 deposit. You can't beat this deal. I urge you to sign up TODAY. I hope to see you there.

With health and hope,

Cheryl

Happy Memories

2010-03-22T09:40:00.003-04:00

My niece, who is 13 1/2, and I love Taylor Swift. We have seen her in concert together 4 times. We have adventures and travel all around to see Taylor. Last year I took her to New York for her 13th birthday to see Taylor at Madison Square Garden. So much fun. We love to be silly and scream every song aloud. This past weekend was no exception. We travelled to Philadelphia to see Taylor in concert......we sat in the fourth row! Woo Hoo. I love spending time with her and making memories.

I have recovery to thank for all of it. You see, when I was with ED I didn't have the ability to take care of myself let alone my niece. My health and mind were compromised so much so that people were afraid. I wasn't allowed to drive my niece and nephew in the car or take them anywhere alone; my health was too bad and anything could have happened. ED was taking everything from me. There lies my quote/saying (c) ED TAKES AND RECOVERY GIVES. ED takes everything away from us and gives us nothing. Recovery can and will give it all back....and then some.

Because of recovery my health, mind and body can function properly and are healthy. I now have the ability to care for myself and for others. I am trusted to take my niece on a train, plane and car without hestitation. I can now make happy memories with her that will last our lifetime. Something ED once took from me.....and I took back. ED no longer takes anything from me.

Don't let ED take anything from you any longer. Make the choice to follow recovery and begin to make happy memories........all without ED. Stick to your recovery plan and believe in your heart that you will be free. Recovery DOES happen......you WILL get there. You CAN do it.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Sleepy eyes.....

2010-03-15T12:11:00.002-04:00

This past week I haven't been getting much sleep so needless to say my eyes are sleepy and I am tired. At times I am so tired that I could put my head down on my desk, close my eyes and take a nap.....something my boss wouldn't appreciate. :-)

Knowing how tired I am and how much my body needs rest puts me on a mission........a call to duty.....duty to take care of myself and my body so I can keep moving forward and being productive. If I don't care for myself, I won't be much good to myself or anyone else. I am in tune with myself and the low energy I have right now but am focused on rejuvenating and taking care of myself by getting rest and giving my body what it needs. Because of recovery, I can now listen to my body and respond accordingly in a healty way. I can make a plan of care.

When I was with ED, I didn't listen to my body or respond accordingly. I let ED lead the way on everything and followed his lead into darkenss and despair. I didn't tune into or care for myself and my needs. I left that to ED and we all know ED doesn't care for us.......only recovery does.

So my plan is to take some "me" time and go to bed early and get some rest. (as well as nourish properly) I will listen to what my body is telling me and give it what it is asking for. Recovery gives me the ability to do that and I don't take that for granted.....I repect it.

Get in tune and listen to your body and your needs and take action in a healthy way.......let recovery lead you. Care for yourelf....you are worth it.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

All sorts of feelings.....

2010-03-08T09:19:00.002-05:00

This past week I had all sorts of feelings going on inside my body. I was feeling anxious, frustrated, tired, stressed, sad, happy, overwhelmed, proud and loved. The best part of feeling all of these feelings is that I can actually feel them. As I've mentioned before, when I was with ED, I didn't feel at all but now that I let recovery lead the way, I feel everything.......which is good no matter what the feeling.

What is also great is that no matter what the feeling is, I deal with the feelings that are presented to me in a healthy way and then let it go. I feel it, accept it and let it go. Even if the feeling is difficult, I still sit with it and respond accordingly. To help me with feelings I was having this week, I used some tools to help me out. I did some writing, I called a friend, I went to yoga, I did some deep breathing, I used positive self talk, I took some "me" time, I talked with Rachel, cried and hugged and played with my dogs. I needed to do all those things to help me through the feelings I was having. Doing those tools helped me feel, accept and then I could let go.

Before recovery, I would have run to ED to help me with anything I came up against....and running to ED didn't help the process, it only made me feel worse and drew me backwards. He would tell me all sorts of negative behaviors to do to make me feel better, which did not help me process my feelings; it only hurt my core and gave ED more power......power he doesn't need. Running to ED is NOT the answer.

Running to recovery is....because of recovery, I have the ability to feel anything and get through it in a healthy way. I don't beat myself up and I don't run to ED. ED can't make you feel better. Feeling feelings (in a healthy way) is what is needed to move ahead in the journey of recovery. The next time you come up with feelings; use some tools and feel them, accept them and then let them go....dont't run to ED........ED BAD, FEELINGS GOOD! :-)

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Shoveling Snow

2010-03-01T08:38:00.002-05:00

Living in New England we get snow. These past few weeks was no exception......we got some. Enough of it that we had to shovel. Now snow I don't mind but shoveling----that's another story. I absolutely hate it. Knowing I have to shovel gets me in a very irritated mood. It's cold and wet and my body and muscles get sore from the back breaking labor. I can't stand it.

Even though I hate to shovel, I am grateful for recovery because of it. You see, before recovery, I didn't have the energy to shovel. My body and heart wouldn't have been able to handle it. Also, I didn't feel when I was with ED so having the feeling of hating to shovel and irritation wasn't even there. I was usually numb to all feelings. ED took it all away.......until I took it back!!!

Today, I am grateful for recovery for giving me the ability to feel and have the energy to shovel. Even though the feeling that comes from shoveling is irritation, at least I am feeling and even though I hate doing it and I am sore from it, my body is strong enough to do so. All good things because of recovery. That is what I concentrate on, look to and am grateful for.

Sticking with ED gives us nothing, recovery gives us everything. Follow recovery and you too will feel and be energized!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

National Eating Disorder Awarness Week!

2010-02-22T10:31:00.002-05:00

Hey Everyone:

It's National Eating Disorder Awarness Week and I want to encourage everyone to check out NEDA's website www.myneda.org for activities in your area to participate in to support eating disorder recovery.

I will be speaking at the following schools, so if you are students of these schools drop by. I would love to see you.

Dean College
99 Main Street
Franklin, Massachusetts
Tuesday, February 23, 2010 - 7:30pm

Northeastern University
346 Huntington Avenue
Boston, Massachusetts
Curry Student Center, Room 318
Wednesday, February 24, 2010 - 6:00pm

Remember, Recovery DOES happen. ED CAN BE SILENCED. Have a great week and Stay Strong!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Fuel

2010-02-15T12:09:00.003-05:00

I was driving around this weekend doing a bit of this and a bit of that. I randomly looked up to the top of my windshield and noticed the oil change sticker. I glanced down at the odometer and noticed I was overdue and my car needed service. I was a bit frustrated with myself that I didn't pay attention to it soonner but knew I had to take the car in to get an oil change. I needed to give it what it needs to function properly. If we don't give it what it needs, it breaks down, isn't reliable and doesn't do its job. Much like the things that happen to our body when ED takes over. We don't function properly.

So I took the car in and got it serviced so it's in tip top shape. It's strong again and I don't fear it not being able to take me where I need to go. We need to treat our body the same way. We need to give it the fuel it needs to function properly to take us where we need to go. Without the proper fuel, our body can't work. Recovery gives us the ability to properly nourish ourselves to help foster a strong body and mind. Without food we will die. Without fuel our car will not run.

Thanks to recovery I am able to give my body what it needs to survive. I respect what I put in it and know it's what it needs. All of it is done without ED. He doesn't influence my intake; I listen to recovery for those messages and listening to recovery is what sets us free. Build your foundation of recovery and nourish your body and brain with fuel so you can continue to drive forward and find freedom. You can do it!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Being Alone

2010-02-08T11:47:00.002-05:00

This past Wednesday through Sunday I was alone as my spouse was out of town. I took care of myself, the house and the dogs. I did errands, went food shopping, spent time with family (superbowl party), practice self care, edited my book and took some "me" time. When my time alone was over, I reflected on what I did and it made my heart smile as I had recovery to thank.

Back when I was with ED, time alone happened a lot. I isolated myself from friends and family so I could be alone with ED in my own hell. Even though I was alone, ED was talking to me the "entire" time so I never got peace or had the ability to function. It was a constant battle just to live. Ed took everything from me piece by piece until I was his and his alone (Remember my saying: ED TAKES, RECOVEY GIVES) Alone time was never mine, it was ED's. I didn't have the energy or ability to take care of myself; I let ED to that---boy was that a mistake because ED does NO such thing. He doesn't take care of us. (recovery does)

So I look back on my time this past weekend and am so thankful that it brings tears to my eyes. Because of recovery, my alone time is now for me, not ED. I have the ability to care for myself, my home and my dogs. I can participate in life and all that it has to offer with peace and quiet in my head knowing that ED doesn't live there anymore. He doesn't tell me what to do, what to eat or where to go... "I" decide. I can enjoy "me" time without ED yelling at me, I can enjoy family time without anxiety or stress, I can go food shopping and not freak out, I can cook and nourish myself without rules and enjoy every minute of it and I can enjoy life and all its glory.....all thanks to recovery.

Living life without ED in it is possible for everyone. One step at a time you will get there. Don't give up......life CAN be yours!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Just Be!

2010-01-25T08:38:00.003-05:00

This past Saturday I was doing a bit of this and a bit of that during my day. At one point when I was at home, I realized that I just needed to sit and enjoy some quiet time and breathe. So, I went into my family room and sat on the sofa. I chose a spot where the sun was shining through and sat right in the middle. I put my face up to the sun and felt the warmth all over my body as the earth and universe gave me a warm hug. I sat there for 15 minutes and enjoyed the sun on my face while I was cozy on the sofa. This experience is two-fold. I realized at this moment that I needed to take some time for myself, even just for 15 minutes, in addition while I sat and enjoyed the warmth, my head was quiet and peaceful.

Before recovery, I didn't take time for myself. My time was with ED and ED alone. I was with him 24/7 and did what he said without question. I obeyed his command because it seemed so hard to break free. I did what was easier as I didn't feel I had the strength to fight. (but I did---like you ALL do) Not only was my time spent with ED, my mind was filled with thoughts of food, calories, rules, behaviors etc. it was not filled with quietness or peace. It was going 100 miles an hour and all of it was based around and with ED. Thinking about what he wanted and how I was going to accomplish it. My mind was never quiet; I could never just be.

Today is different. Now that I have dug down deep and realized I was stronger than ED (which you all are too) and fought back, I am free. I took recovery one meal at a time, with no excuses, and won. It took patience and time but it IS possible. I now have the ability to "just be" without all the noise in my head. My thoughts now are of dreams, friends, aspirations and much more. I can sit, relax and think with my mind clear and free from ED. Time now is MY TIME, not ED's.

As you fight ED, take time for yourself and don't invite ED along. Take 15 minutes a day and learn to just be. Find a quiet place and do something that frees your mind of the chatter. Read, journal, meditate or write down 5 recovery messages or 5 affirmations and positves. This way ED is not involved in "your time". Practice and repetition are key....just like eating your meal plan. It takes time but you CAN do it and you CAN be free......just be!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Beyond Eating Disorder Workshop

2010-01-18T13:04:00.004-05:00

Hey Everyone:

As you may know, Thom Rutledge was one of my therapists during my recovery. He is world known in the eating disorder community. His Intrapersonal therapy model was instrumental in my recovery process and I believe in his work. He hosts 3 workshops a year in Tennessee and has one coming up March 12 -14. I will be joining Thom and Jules, his co facilitator to help them out. I am very much looking forward to helping and showing people recovery is possible and you can get there. I would like to invite you to attend this workshop and join us in kicking ED's butt. The information, growth and strength you will get during this workshop as well as new friends will be helpful in your process. Plus, I would love to meet you! I'm attaching a blurb about the workshop here but you can find more info on Thom's website. http://www.thomrutledge.com/ Also, if you have any questions feel free to ask me. I hope you take this opportunity to gain more strength and insight for you to move forward and find freedom. Stay Strong!

With health and hope,

Cheryl

Book Cover!

2010-01-11T15:15:00.005-05:00

Hey everyone:

I hope everyone is working hard at recovery and doing well. Keep up the fight and keep disobeying ED!

As you know, I have written a book that will be coming out in May (fingers crossed...giggle). The cover has been completed and I wanted to share it with you.

Stay strong and KNOW that YOU CAN WIN and BEAT ED!

With health and hope,

Cheryl

Trust

2010-01-04T10:17:00.004-05:00

This past Saturday I had an appointment at my hairdresser's. As I sat in the chair with the color in my head, I thought to myself. Since it's a new year, why not get a new doo. My thoughts were a bit fearful as I didn't know what I wanted and would have to trust my hairdresser fully. Would I be able to trust her not to cut it too short? Would I be able to trust her to give me a good cut? Would I be able to trust her not to make me look funny when I was done? All these thoughts went through my mind. Even though I had fear inside, I was excited for what could be.

This situation and the feelings around it are similar to the beginning of my recovery. In recovery, I had to learn to trust my treatment team and learn to trust myself.....and NOT to trust ED. I had to put my faith in them to know what was best for me. This was difficult and I questioned it daily but I was also excited to see what would happen if I did. Would I really recover if I listened to them? Would I really be able to leave ED?

In the end, I decided to trust my treatment team for their knowledge and experience would help me succeed in my recovery. I listened to their advice, made a plan and followed it. Over time I also began to trust myself and I knew that trusting ED was no longer going to be part of my existence. It couldn't be if I wanted to live free. I needed to trust my supports, not ED. ED ALWAYS lies and is manipulative. ED is NOT trustworthy at all.

So as I sat in the chair, I reminisced about my recovery path and trust and decided that trusting someone who is knowledgebable and can help may be scary but it is somehting I can do and something I have done. So I trusted my hairdresser to cut my hair and it came out great.

In your recovery, face the unknown and the fear and trust your treatment team and supports and DON'T TRUST ED. As time goes on you will learn to trust yourself and your body as it will give you a sense of freedom....your wings will spread and you will fly. I Promise!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Resolution

2009-12-28T17:51:00.002-05:00

A tradition of New Years Day is to come up with a resolution on how to change something in our lives. Whether it be to always make sure you balance your checkbook every month to resolving to spend more time with your family or stating that you'll be on time for work every day. We all have things that we want to improve to make our life more manageable and fulfilled.

When I was with ED, ED took away my ability to want to help myself and change. He told me I didn't need to do anything except listen to him.....I believed him back then. I made resolutions based on what ED told me---not a good idea. It wasn't until I dug deep down inside my soul and realized that I do have a choice to change and resolute for myself and he can't take that from me.

So even though it was past January 1st, I one day chose to make a resolution to myself and my health to listen and follow the voice of recovery....and that's what I did. As hard as it was, I stuck to that resolution/commitment I made to myself and followed through and in the end it gave me something I never had before....freedom. This New Years, I challenge you to make a commitment and resolution to yourself, your health and your recovery. You are worth fighting for and you deserve it. It is a resolution that CAN BE ACHIEVED.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Gifts

2009-12-21T12:21:00.003-05:00

One of the sayings I say to people is "ED takes, recovery gives". That statement is so true and I want you to think about that statement this week as Christmas approaches. The holidays are stressful for most with all the food, parties, family etc that we have to face and if you are facing it with ED next to you it can be unbearable at times. However, appreciating the gifts we hold within are important. The gifts that make us whole, who we are ----without ED.

My wish for you this week is to think about the gifts that recovery has given you in your life and in your recovery. Even if your recovery only started 1 meal ago, you have been given a gift. Ed doesn't give gifts, recovery does. Look inside your world and acknowlege and appreciate the gifts you have in your life. Cherish them and use them as a motivator to move forward and grow.

For me, I am grateful for the gifts of family, friends, love, relationships, laughter, freedom, dreams, self-acceptance, strength, mindfulness, hope, feelings, emotions and so much more. Recovery has given me these gifts and Ihold them close to my heart and let them flourish inside my soul to help me grow and live.

Know this Christmas season the gifts that recovery (will) give you will be the best gifts you've ever opened. Keep the faith, Stay Strong and Believe!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Laughter!

2009-12-14T15:19:00.002-05:00

When I was with ED my sense of humor was non-existent. I didn't laugh at anything because I was always so numb to any feeling. ED kept me close to him and didn't allow me to have fun or laugh too often. He only allowed me to fake laugh; like laugh when appropriate at someone's joke but not really feel it deep inside. I wasn't really feeling the feeling I was only going through the motions. I couldn't even find humor and laugh at myself; I only criticized myself.

Now that I am in recovery, I find humor in everything, including myself. I find joy and laughter in something every day and I feel it within my heart. When I laugh, I truly am laughing; I'm not faking it. Actually, because of recovery, I don't have to fake anything anymore. I am real....and free. Laughing is great therapy and makes me feel alive. Just this weekend I was on the phone with my best friend and we were laughing so hard that we lost our breath and happy tears filled our eyes. It was hysterical and I loved every minute of it. I could feel the experience, was present in the moment and laughed my butt off.....all thanks to recovery. With ED, that would have never happened.

Recovery gives us the gift of laughter. When we leave ED, we reclaim pieces of ourselves and humor is one of them. Reclaim yours and laugh again. It CAN be done and you CAN do it.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Research Study

2009-12-07T08:16:00.002-05:00

Hi everyone:

Happy Monday! I met this woman, Sarah, at a recent speaking engagement. She is doing a study on the siblings's perspective on having a brother or sister with an eating disorder. If you are interested in participating or know of anyone, please contact Sarah directly.

Have a great week and keep fighting ED.....recovery happens! You CAN do it.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Do you have a sibling who suffers from an Eating Disorder?
Would you be willing to share your experiences with your sibling's illness?

I am a graduate student working on my Master's in Social Work degree. I am conducting a research study exploring sibling's perspectives on having a brother or sister with an eating disorder. I am wondering if anyone would be interested in sharing their experiences regarding their sibling's illness. I am seeking adults, 18 years and older, who have a biological sibling who suffers from an eating disorder. The study involves a brief interview (30 - 45 minutes) over the phone or in person. Participation in the study is confidential. If you are intersted in participating or would like to inquire further, please contact: Sarah at (860) 508-6749 or squish127@live.com Thank You!

The Breath of Life

2009-11-30T09:38:00.003-05:00

As you may know, I'm a hospice volunteer in my spare time. This past weekend I participated in a vigil. A vigil is when you sit with a person who's death is imminent; usually within hours or a day or so. As I sat there with my patient, held her hand, read prayers to her and listened to her take her final breaths in this final stage of life, thoughts of my life flashed in front of me. I sat there looking at my patient wondering about her life and what struggles she overcame and how she lived each day. In being present with her, it reminded me all that I have overcome in my struggle to live. How I once was dying yet found the strength in me to fight for my life, regain control and live. Life is precious and each day should be lived accordingly.

When I was with ED, I didn't even care about life or living it. All I cared about was pleasing ED and doing what he said. And I did it all without question. Until one day I chose to leave ED and began to feel what it was like to live. Recovery has brought back the breath of life back. I can do anything I want, go anywhere I want, eat anything I want and be myself all without rules, behaviors or judgement. Recovery has shown me who I am and has taught me that life is worth living. I am grateful for my time with my patients for they teach me in their final moments of life to appreciate each moment, each breath. Because of recovery, I can now appreciate my life and all that it has to offer me. I am a survivor and you can be too.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Thanksgiving!

2009-11-23T08:45:00.004-05:00

With Thanksgiving being this week, I wanted to remind you of some of the reasons we celebrate the holiday because ED can try to convince us otherwise. Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks for who we have in our life and how much our life is filled with love and gratitude for ourselves and others. Spending time with family and friends and making memories is what it's all about.

I know you may get overwhelmed with all the obsessive thoughts you may be faced with but switch your thinking (it can be done) to a positive by saying positive affirmations and mantras and push ED aside. Be in the present moment with friends and family and feel the experience for all that it is rather than being caught up with ED.

Take some deep breaths. Be proactive and make a plan if you get into trouble --- call a friend, bring affirmation cards with you, bring your journal, distract by watch TV (football.....woo hoo) or converse with family, bring a small tangible object that makes you smile and gives you strength -- I had/have a stone that says believe. If you are overwhelmed with all the food around, remove yourself from the kitchen and go chat with family or make a phone call or text someone to check in. When it comes time to eat dinner, respect the food for the medicine it is to nourish your brain and body to keep you healthy. Thanksgiving dinner is just that, dinner. Remember, there is no such thing as bad foods. It's all ok to eat.

Yes food is around during this time but concentrate on the family and friends you are with and tell ED to get lost. Tell him you don't want him to be a part of your holiday season. Tell him he is not welcomed and he needs to leave you alone. If you keep telling him that and are proactive in recovery, he DOES go away. Stay strong and know you are no alone during this Thanksgiving (or ever). Fight for yourself and fight for your recovery. It's all worth it. I'll be thinking of you all.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Spontaneous!

2009-11-16T09:29:00.004-05:00

Spontaneous was something that I wasn't when I was with ED. I would never feel confident enough or deserving enough to do anything fun. I would need everything planned and I was particular on what it was because I had to make sure that it didn't go against ED's rules. I had to stay on track with ED and couldn't disobey him. Now, forget it......"I" am the one who is in control of what I do and who I do it with....NO RULES.

On Saturday my mom called to ask me if we wanted to come to dinner with the family the next day. Rather than fussing over the rules and the do's and don'ts of the situation, I said without hesitation "yes" we'll be there. I didn't have a fight in my head about having to see people, wondering what they would have for dinner, obsessing on how much I would eat or not eat...I just said yes and all the rest didn't matter. I know I will enjoy seeing my family. We will laugh, we will gossip, we will eat and it will be fun....all without ED. (and it was)

Then on Sunday I was talking to my friend who lives in Texas and we were chatting about me coming for a possible visit during the Christmas break. Because I live without ED now (no rules or guilt) and I control my calendar and can be spontaneous, I booked the flight while we were on the phone. I am excited to see her next month and I know we will have a great time......all without ED being involved.

Recovery has given me the ability to be spontaneous and I love that gift I have received. Before recovery neither of these two things would have happened. My brain wouldn't have been able to wrap my head around either concept. It would have been too caught up with ED and what he was telling me rather than doing what I wanted. With recovery, I am able to do what I want and go where I want...all without ED. When you leave ED, the gifts you receive are plenty! Leave ED and see what gifts you get in return, you will be pleasantly surprised! You CAN DO IT!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Smile!

2009-11-09T09:40:00.003-05:00

I had a photo shoot yesterday to get headshots taken for my book and website. Before the day arrived and even the morning of I was a bit anxious and nervous as I wanted to be sure I had at least one good picture out of all the ones he would take. I was trying to think positive about it but inside I was freaking out because I thought just for a second "what if none of them come out good and I take a horrible picture?" I don't particularly like getting my picture taken and was nervous that I wouldn't get one I could use.

I then thought, wait a minute Cheryl......you've worked hard in your recovery and it shows from the inside out. People will be able to see that from that picture exactly what they need to see and the picture will show exactly what it needs to show....the real Cheryl. So I let my recovery voice guide me throughout the shoot and shine through. I was fully present and appreciated what I was doing and the reason behind it...and recovery gave that gift to me. No matter what the picture looks like that I choose, you will be able to see what you need to see......the real me.....and I have recovery to thank for that.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

The season of Fall

2009-11-02T10:27:00.004-05:00

I was driving to work the other day and was noticing all the leaves on the trees and ground as Fall is coming to a close here in New England. All the leaves start green, then change color and then depart the life they know as they fall to the group and take the next step. The tree is then ready for its next life of snow and cold.

Fall is like recovery, it is a process. A process that takes time, patience, and steps in which you must go through to get ready for the next step and chapter of your life. Like the leaves, some days of recovery are vibrant and others are drab. All of it is an opportunity to still learn and move forward. Appreciate the good, the bad and the ugly and understand that all of it is a necessity to move forward to freedom.

When the leaves fall to the ground the trees shed their skin and begin to get prepared for what's next. As you leave ED, your true self comes out as you begin to get perpared to see who you are without ED attached. The process is hard but worth it all for what you will feel in the end.....freedom.

Learn from each step of the recovery process and know that with each step you take you are one step closer to being free. Stay strong like the trunk of a tree and push yourself through the process and feel all the steps along the way for it will only get you stronger. You will slowly begin to see the vibrant colors that recovery and life has to show you. You can do this!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Life -- Then and Now

2009-10-28T11:15:00.004-04:00

First off guys....thanks so much for all of your emails and thoughts of concern since I didn't post on my usual Monday. Yes, I was under the weather but I am feeling much better so I thought I'd just post a little something.

Life Before Recovery

Darkness, despair, guilt, rules, behaviors, self-injury, manipulation, shame, fear, loneliness, isolation, worthlessness, bullied, depression, anxiety, bad body image, loss of control, criticism, weak, unhealthy, lies, manic, rigid, lost, racing throughts, obsessive, self-hatred.

Life With Recovery

Freedom, fun, social, happiness, pride, confidence, choices, healthy, energy, dreams, goals, strength, truth, acceptance, motivated, colorful, flexible, future, safety, control, self-love, friends, family, success, focused, relaxed, trust, hope....and still growing.

Life with ED gives us NOTHING good....Life with recovery gives us EVERYTHING and then some. Disobey ED and move towards recovery. For recovery will show you the way to freedom.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Weather the storm

2009-10-19T08:45:00.003-04:00

It's Sunday afternoon as I write this and the weekend is coming to a close. Yesterday the sun was shining and it was very brisk. A perfect Fall day in New England. This morning I woke to gusty winds, down pouring rain, clouds and freezing temperatures. A typical Nor Easter. Earlier, I took a nap as I am a bit under the weather and now I have woken to snow and cold. Yes, you heard me correctly.....snow! Ugh.

These past two days of weather reminds me of recovery. In recovery you are faced with all sorts of emotions, hard work, excitement, doubt, fear and so on. Recovery has its ups and downs. It brings you through all sorts of weather patterns and in each pattern we have to learn to get through it, stay strong and move forward. We have to feel all the varying degrees that recovery offers us.

When I was with ED, I didn't have the opportunity to feel the different weather patterns; I only felt the darkness. There was no sun, no soft rain, no bright puffy clouds. It was all dark and gloomy. ED kept me from feeling and kept me close to him and him alone.

Not now, recovery has given me the opportunity to feel and experience everything. I can now appreciate each up and down I am faced with and know in my heart that I can get through it (in a healthy way). Because of recovery.....I can weather any storm. And so can you....choose recovery and experience it all. You can do it.

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Thinking Clearly

2009-10-12T15:49:00.002-04:00

Now that ED isn’t in my life anymore, I am amazed as to what my brain can do for me. I am so grateful for recovery as if I didn’t have recovery, my brain wouldn’t be able to function properly and perform all the aspects it does. You see, I was in Dallas for the last 4 days at a board meeting for MentorCONNECT. (www.key-to-life.com/mentorconnect) and the work load was heavy, intense and the days/nights (early morning) were long. Even though it was a lot of work (well worth it) my brain never failed me. It was there with me to help me think through situations, figure out problems, have effective meetings and brainstorm ideas. It never let me down.

It’s funny because before recovery, I would tell you that ED would never let me down and I could always count on him. However, now I would tell you that my brain would never let me down and I can always count on it. I feed it the proper nutrition and it never fails me. It amazes me that I can think clearly, multitask, actually hold an intelligent conversation, be mindful and much much more. When I was with ED, I was unable to do any of that....not now......thanks recovery!

With health and hope,
Cheryl

Oh, I don't feel very good!

2009-10-05T09:47:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I went to a 90th birthday brunch for an old colleague of mine. (before recovery, that would never happen….brunch..…no way….but now…..Absolutely....no guilt and no hesitation). Anyway, when I got home I was not feeling so well. Actually my stomach was killing me and I had a splitting headache. I walked into the house and saw all the work I had to do—laundry, working on a speech and working on my book. Two out of the three are on deadlines so needless to say I felt under pressure.

I continued to press on and begin my work and then I said to myself. “Cheryl, listen to your body and do what it is telling you – rest and get better”. My second thought was “I’m too busy, I can’t” but then I realized something. My entire life was spent with ED and ED told me what to do, when to do it and I didn’t feel my body or listen to it at all (ED wouldn’t allow it); I only listened to ED.

With hard work in recovery I have finally learned what my body sounds like and feels like and I respond in a healthy way to it. As I stood in the kitchen feeling sick, I realized that if my body isn’t well, I won’t be productive and none of the things I need to get done will happen correctly. So, I decided to listen to my body and go lie down and rest and try to feel better. As I lied in bed I said to my body “sorry for almost blowing you off”. When I was with ED, he would make me feel guilty and yell at me for taking care of myself and listening to my body…not now…..in recovery I take care of myself and my body. (and you can too!)

Thanks to recovery I am able to hear what my body is telling me and respond appropriately. ED doesn’t give you those options, he takes them all away. Take it back—you have the power. Your body is a powerful vehicle that should be respected in sickness and in health. Treat your body with kindness, give it nourishment and give it the attention and health it needs to thrive for you. What have you done for your body lately?

With health and hope,
Cheryl